10 New things I did this Week

I am 99% of the time the one who is rejected. It is really hard to reject someone. It's even harder when you're on the downside of alcohol. I am trying to date more and I am going to have to do this more often.

I saw an advertisement for Mindvalley. Is it a cult? I am not sure. I downloaded the Silva Method book and I dig it. It's a lot about self talk and meditation. I want to dig into it more but I want to make sure it's not a cult first. The biggest thing I learned was.. when you have a negative thought in your mind say "cancel.cancel." and replace it with a better thought. I have been trying it this week.

I have gotten really into Tarot recently. Pamela Coleman Smith who illustrated the most famous tarot deck was part of the Golden Dawn. She is not in this book. It is about 4 other women who rebelled against the Victorian Era in England and were just bad ass. I love the Victorian Era and I love that these women rebelled against it. It was the first time that a woman was in power and women were resisting women. I know that sounds wrong but it was the first time that it wasn't men fighting men. Women were able to both rule and rebel. I find it really fascinating.

I loved it. It was so inexpensive. I want to do it somewhere. I want to move somewhere else and read Tarot on the street.

My senior pictures sent me into therapy. I am very self conscious and really do not like photos taken of me. I posted them like crazy on here but they were all side angle and it looked like I had a very narrow face. My face looks wider in photos straight on. Getting my photo taken will send me on a fast downward spiral. A woman was posting that she was doing free sessions to kick start her photography career and so I signed up a month ago as something fun to do this summer. I made my sister look at the photos. If I had looked at them we wouldn't have made it all the way through.I want to get more comfortable with pictures of me.

I really don't want to be living here. I never really organized my space. I kind of just put things in places. I am actually trying to organize it now. I might be here another year :(. It feels good.

I bought a new cell phone on Amazon. It was $200 off and I have gift cards still from my students families this year. I would not be able to afford a new one if I didn't have that. It was very spur of the moment and I have never bought anything that expensive on Amazon. I am hoping everything works out.

I was really nervous about being the only hostess. Servers can be really intense. If you are working with someone else you can share the blow. It was only me. Luckily we weren't that busy and there wasn't much of a blow.

I have always hated talking to more than one guy at a time. I feel like it's unfair. I should just focus on one guy at a time. It's helping me not focus so much on one guy. I am not envisioning my future with anyone. I am just going on dates.

I love it! I have avoided buying scales because it's all about "how you feel in your clothes". Sure. It's helping me get to the place where I feel comfortable in my clothes again. I was actually motivated because I realized since I've been going to the gym everyday I have lost at least 5 lbs. I am now tracking what I eat again and it feels good. I don't feel so heavy at the end of the day.