10 reasons to be afraid of librarians
The world of librarians is wild and twisted. This profession is so crazy dangerous, it'll make your head spin faster than a record on a turntable during an earthquake.
1. Book Rage.
Librarians have a tendency to develop intense emotional attachments to books, leading to bouts of "book rage" where they fiercely defend their favorite volumes from any potential harm.
2. Extreme Quietness
Librarians have mastered the art of stealth to an extreme degree, making them adept at sneaking up on unsuspecting individuals and startling them with their sudden appearances.
3. Cunning Card Catalog Skills
They can organize and retrieve information so quickly that they've been known to use their skills to challenge people to games of high-stakes card catalog races.
4. Secret Martial Arts
Behind those quiet exteriors lies a hidden world of martial arts expertise, with librarians seamlessly transitioning from shelving books to performing intricate kung fu moves.
5. High-Stakes Bookmark Battles
Librarians engage in epic battles over coveted bookmarks, using their finely tuned hand-eye coordination to launch them like deadly projectiles.
6. Feral Shushing
When provoked, librarians have been known to unleash a primal "shush" that can disrupt electronics, break glass, and induce temporary deafness in their foes.
7. Dangerous Dewey Decimal System
They have the power to manipulate the Dewey Decimal System to create traps, puzzles, and secret passages within the library.
8. Bookworm Allies
Librarians have established an alliance with a secret society of highly trained bookworms, which they can summon at will to aid in their defense.
9. Infinite Labyrinth
Rumor has it that certain librarians have mastered the art of creating infinite library labyrinths, entrapping unsuspecting visitors in a maze of shelves for eternity.
10. Telepathic Librarian Network
Through a mysterious telepathic network, librarians can share knowledge instantaneously, making them capable of outwitting even the most formidable opponents.