10 Things I Do When No One Is Looking
It is easy to be the best version of yourself when you are surrounded by people.
People you want to please.
People you want to like you.
And sometimes just anybody.
There is something about solitude that brings to surface, things you will not do any other time.
1. I put my hands in my pants when I am alone
Not in an office. Just in my room. Sometimes I do it with my firlfriend around.
She yells "stop that bad habit".
I know. Maybe I will stop.
2. I bite my nails
I do it to keep busy I guess.
Or when my mind is 10,000 miles from where my body is.
3. I watch porn (sometimes)
Don't you judge me until you tell the whole world what you do when no one is looking.
4. I clean the apartment
I guess a place cannot be cleaned properly if there is someone sitting in one spot.
Of course they can move to a different spot to allow me clean their spot.
But that is where my problem lie.
What about the little specks of dirt they are carrying to the new spot.
It is better to clean when no one is around.
5. I bite my lips
My former girlfriend did that a lot.
I hated it.
Now I do it.
Lesson: do not hate.
6. I tie my beard into knots
I caught myself doing it right now.
For some reason, my hands do not like to be idle.
They hate it when my brain is engaged and they just have to hang there like sacs.
They travel every inch of my body the least opportunity they get.
7. I cannot focus
Maybe that makes me a people pleaser or an unmotivated duck.
I get into the zone easier when I am surrounded by people.
Not when they are loud.
My perfect recipe for deep work is me + one or more people who are also minding their business.
Leave me alone and I will open a new tab. (not to watch porn. many things happen in a new tab)
8. I anticipate people coming into my room
Maybe that is because I fear they will catch me doing something they did not know I do.
9. I tend to eat more when I am alone
I need to get diagnosed with something right?
10. I listen to poetry on youtube
Sadly, most people I know do not appreciate the sexiness of words stringed perfectly for an intended purpose. So I enter the warm embrass of those words when no one is looking.
Maybe I should give up the first 9 things and just get addicted to poetry when no one is looking.