10 Things You Have Now But Did Not Have At The Start Of September
September has been a month of change and acceptance for me.
Before this month, I largely depended on my side gig, where I worked as a freelance artist, for income, and for the past year, all of my freelancing income was coming from one company. The company I was working for went bankrupt at the end of August, and I went into panic mode. Our total income didn't match our monthly expenses, and I didn't know how or if we would be able to afford to live.
I found some side gigs that involved painting and covered some of our costs, but I decided that I didn't like painting for others, never had, and didn't want to continue doing it, and stopped all the projects. The result was a great sense of hopelessness. I lived with that hopelessness, not knowing what to do, until I accepted the event as a reality call to lean more into my other profession, which has been writing. The decision and the actions I took after gave me hope that I am going to be able to replace that extra income by writing, and I enjoy writing way more than painting.
I had been working as an artist for quite a while, and I stopped enjoying art but continued doing it because it paid well and a lot of people would have killed to have an art career.
Even though I figured that I enjoyed writing much more than art a couple of years ago, the success I got and the investment I put into art stopped me from moving completely to the writing life. This month, I accepted the fact that I don't enjoy painting, while I enjoy writing tremendously and leaned completely into writing.
One reason that I never liked art as much as I love writing is that I never found a purpose in painting other than to feel better. I paint for myself, but I write for anybody who is willing to read what I write. Selfish acts always lack purpose, and I cannot find a way to be a selfless painter that feels fulfilling to me at the same time. Also, I always found the visual arts intellectually lacking compared to writing.
Once I started treating writing as my central skill, I found the purpose I had been missing in my life for quite a while.
Until this month, everything in my life was laid out for me. I was living completely in a reactionary world because, even though I wasn't completely happy about my life, it was comfortable and there was no reason to go back to the grind. Without a purpose, there is no reason to go the extra mile, to put in the extra effort. With my newfound purpose, I devised a plan to change my life to the one I would like to have, which gave me the hope that I talked about in the first item.
Before all the shenanigans in my life began, I was an adamant fan of @JamesAltucher and a couple of days ago, randomly, I thought about him and followed his twitter account. In his bio, he had a line about NotePD, and I thought, well, since James talked about being an idea machine, I have been writing ten-item lists and it has been really helpful so far, why not join this community which is built around that idea?
Even though I joined only a couple of days ago, NotePD has grown into more than a public idea list in my life. This beautiful place became a venue to start channeling my creative energies to writing, be honest about myself, my life, and try to be of use to all of you who read my stuff.
I also love @VictorGo 's daily prompts because they take me to places I wouldn't go to if he hadn't put them here for us.
I hate dishonesty and am always honest with others. But I was dishonest to my true self and accepted a lifestyle that I didn't enjoy because I thought I had sacrificed so much to achieve that life and I let my past actions shape my current decisions. Sinking into my comfort zone made me accept an unsatisfying career until that career was no more. Now, I am completely honest with myself too.
I haven't been using social media except for Instagram for quite a while, but this month I decided to start using Twitter. I followed all the interesting people I remembered liking or finding interesting at one time or another, and Twitter became a really fun and interesting city square for me. I thoroughly enjoy Twitter.
8. Green Ink
I always loved fountain pens and always used black ink with them. This month my supply of ink was finished, and there was a huge discount on green inks. I said why not and bought it. Now black ink looks harsh and boring to my eyes, while green looks calm and inviting. Next time, I am going to try purple!
I lacked the courage to be silly in particular. One month ago, I wouldn't have written green ink with a bunch of deep emotional subjects in a list like that. I wouldn't even write about how I feel and what happened to me on a public list.
Which brings us to the last but most important of the new things in my life. I lived my life as a closed box and shared almost nothing about myself with others. That was a grand mistake, and I am glad that I don't do that anymore. Being willing to be open and putting the effort in to be completely open changed my life.