9 reasons "nice guys" get hurt
In this context, niceness is self-sacrifice without any expected reward. It's hope in the midst of pain. Its effort without reciprocity.
Are you naturally a nice person, and hardly look for ways to offend others or in any way be seen as a bad person.
But what happens when you get “too nice?”
In fact, it comes as a surprise to the “good guys” because you expected the world to need more nice people.
But it’s easy to confuse niceness for kindness or even bigger virtues like gentleness, generosity, understanding, and not being a jerk.
Niceness becomes a problem when you are naïve and pretend the line to draw doesn't have to be obvious to the other party.
1. Not having CLEAR boundaries
The healthiest relationships have clear boundaries. Nice guys often have a hard time setting boundaries and saying no. They are always eager to please others, even at the expense of their own needs and desires.
What do you like? What don't you like? What can you tolerate?
Nice guys often struggle with saying no, even when it goes against their own best interests. "Nice people" love to give mixed signals so they have more friends, but in the end, most of their relationships are shallow and fake.
Not having clear boundaries also predispose you into falling into what i call the "niceness cycle" with other so called "nice people."
Do you really care about this person or event or you just want to repay their "niceness?" Eventually they find out you never did but only couldn't resist their goodness, so everything was only to play even.
2. Being afraid of rejection
What exactly do you want from relationships?
Define it, and be ready to be rejected.
Nice guys are afraid of this phase and so stick around even when they don't get treated well. So you tolerate all manner of shit so you never lose a relationship.
Other times they're getting fair treatment, but you know it's not worth it.
Why do you think people stay stuck forever in the friend zone and refuse to give up when they desire more?
Goals and deadlines can keep you in check and help you overcome this fear.
3. Fear of Conflict
I always wondered why we'd never had any issues. Then i realized i was always justifying the crumbs i was receiving instead of BREAD.
She, too, in a bid to keep me at a distance, never complained of any wrongs or misdoings.
Nice guys often avoid conflict at all costs. They would rather keep the peace than address issues or express their true feelings.
This fear of conflict can lead to resentment building up over time, ultimately causing them to get hurt in the long run.
4. Putting others first
You're congratulated for being selfless," but you know deep down, you hate what you're doing.
Nice guys have a tendency to prioritize the needs of others over their own.
While this may seem selfless, it can result in you neglecting your own well-being and happiness. By constantly putting others first, you may attract people who take advantage of your kindness.
They may bend over backward to make someone happy, even if it means sacrificing their own needs and wants. This level of accommodation can lead to them being taken for granted and ultimately getting hurt.
5. Seeking external validation
I don't want to be seen as a "bad person"—a favorite line of nice guys.
Nice guys often seek validation and approval from others.
They rely on external validation to feel good about themselves, which can make them vulnerable to manipulation and mistreatment.
6. Ignoring red flags
There are always cues and signals to watch out for, but "nice guys" train themselves to ignore them for certain people who end up hurting them.
Nice guys have a tendency to ignore their own intuition and gut feelings. They may dismiss red flags or warning signs because they want to see the best in others.
You overlook red flags in relationships and may choose to give people the benefit of the doubt and ignore warning signs of potential harm. Easy way to attract toxic individuals who ultimately hurt you.
7. Lack of self-worth
Most issues with being nice are related to self-worth.
When you feel life has not been fair to you or you have been treated badly in the past, you tend not to want others to feel any atom of it.
And you may often struggle with low self-esteem and a lack of self-worth. So you believe that you don't deserve better treatment or that you have to earn love and respect through their actions.
This mindset can attract individuals who take advantage of your vulnerability.
8. People-pleasing tendencies
Nice guys often have a strong desire to please others and gain their approval.
I hated "everyday calls," especially at the "talking stage," but I would force myself to go through boring conversations that didn't lead anywhere.
Why go to great lengths to make others happy, even if it means sacrificing your own needs and desires?
This people-pleasing behavior can lead to getting hurt as you neglect your own well-being in favor of trying to please everyone else.
9. Lack of self-assertion
People can't always read your mind, and you're not doing them any favour when you choose not to speak up.
Nice guys often struggle with asserting themselves and speaking up for their own needs and desires. They may avoid confrontation or conflict, which can result in them being taken advantage of or not having their needs met.
Lack of self-assertiveness can also affect your confidence and the trust others have in you.
Imagine not being able to look others in the eye just because you sugarcoat everything you have in mind.
10. CONCLUSION
Instead of being too nice, why not be real?
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