Choosing Yourself - Chapter 21: What to do When You Are Rejected
Rejection: the act of not accepting, believing, or considering something.
The definition of rejection references something not someone.
Here's the scoop. If I say that you rejected me who is being rejected?
John Smith the accountant?
Susie Smith the school teacher?
John Paul the writer?
All of which are made up characters. These are the roles that we play.
However, I have forgotten that I'm not really who I claim to be.
Were you rejected or did you just feel rejected?
How do you know when someone has rejected you? When they say, "no"?
You would find it quite strange if Denzel Washington really believed that he was LAPD Detective Sgt. Alonzo Harris in Training Day.
If we travel deeper down the rabbit hole, Denzel is also a made up sense of self, a character, a role....
1. An aspect to the whole idea of rejection that is often missed.
It is my job to try and make you feel guilty for rejecting me.
Yes "Big G" is alive and kicking and for many, their trump card.
Poor me, look at what you did to me. You kicked me at time that I was hurting.
You did me wrong when I needed you most.
I'll do you one better, here are few lyrics from a Beatles Song - Don't Let Me Down
Crashing, hit a wall
Right now I need a miracle
Hurry up now, I need a miracle
Stranded, reaching out
I call your name, but you're not around
I say your name, but you're not around
I need you, I need you, I need you right now
Yeah, I need you right now
So don't let me, don't let me, don't let me down
I think I'm losing my mind now
2. "Rejection" creates an opportunity for reflection.
We often go searching in the world for answers to our most troubling problems as if the world has the answers to what troubles us.
If I extend my hand to shake yours and you don't respond in kind did you reject me? Absolutely not. All you did was not raise your hand and grip my hand. All you did is not acknowledge me in the way that I wanted to be acknowledged at that time. I am assigning all the meaning it has for me. The situation and you are both completely innocent.
3. We must make deposits before we can make withdrawals. Nothing new, right?
If we want fire it might be best to put some firewood first before we start demanding heat. In my experience, fireplaces have been quite cooperative in providing me with heat once I've given it some wood first.
4. Our survival is guaranteed.
Nothing is required. We need not do anything. We need to be anything other that what we were created to be. It's the belief in a lie where fear starts to makes its way into the room.
5. How do we know the experience when we felt rejected wasn't in our best interest?
I'd be willing to bet that it wasn't because it didn't happen.
What happens if we do get the thing that we were initially rejected for? Now what?
Is this the one thing, now that we have it, that's going to make us happy?
I think not but it's still a belief that millions of people tenaciously hold onto.
Most of us would rather believe in a lie, rather than the truth - even though lying to ourself engulfs us with fear that never seems to end.
I believe the Universe is conspiring on behalf to do me good. What do you believe?
6. Is the feeling of being rejected just an experience that I am having in my mind?
What's the one thing that you could do that would make everything else you do easier or unnecessary. See rejection for what it really is...an experience that means absolutely nothing until we name it. It means nothing until we give it meaning.
7. The man who enjoys walking will walk further than the man that loves the destination.
Another thing you might consider is the notion we don't get to decide what works. Don't be attached to a particular outcome or result. Notice what shows up for you. The most precious gift you can have in this moment is awareness. With awareness you step out of victimhood and step into moment of appreciating what shows up for you in the moment.