I Can't Abide Robotic Interactions

There's so many things we all say and do that are like these "call and response" moments where it feels like both people are going through the motion. Especially in business. So, I tend to like to derail these moments. Let me explain what I mean. ( Yes, I really do this kind of stuff. Yes, it's silly.)

Preview

1. Someone might say "Make Yourself at Home" - I'll walk into their bathroom and turn on the shower and just sit there a while. Because I really want them to think "oh dear, what is he doing?"

2. At restaurants: "Would you like fresh ground pepper?" I love to say, "No thanks. I'll just have this old pepper that's already on the table, thanks."

3. At stores: "Did you find everything you were looking for?" - I was looking for Scarlett Johansson, but other than that, I think I did.

4. "So, do you have any plans for the weekend?" - I've been thinking about robbing a bank or starting a new political party. Where are you going this weekend? Maybe I'll just go with you.

5. "Welcome welcome! Sit anywhere." - I go out into the garage.