Life with dogs people don't talk about

Some puppies are more challenging than others. You see all the cute cuddly pics on Instagram and yet you aren't getting any sleep because your puppy is crying all night, peeing in the house, and terrorizing your lifestyle.

It wasn't the plan.

I've been training for a couple of decades... trust me when I say that two things come into play here.

1. It's a phase

2. You can get through the phase much faster when you can get help from someone who can get you through the phase. Hint: puppies have zero logic and they don't understand English. Demonstration over explanation is important to understand.

This is so common. I coach people weekly who are disappointed because their new puppy even though it's the same exact breed is nothing like their last dog. Many people are living the memory of their heart dog. They miss the nuances of their new dog altogether.

There's also a bit of amnesia that goes on. Memories of a heart dog, especially in the later years are of love, adoration and the dog that just knows what to do with you. You've forgotten the puppy mistakes that happened, from potty accidents in the house to favorite shoes chewed up.

Your new puppy is not your past dog.

You can let go of the guilt for being mad, or sad, or disappointed by that and realize that holding onto the past won't create what we want in the future.

Your new puppy is here to bring new beginnings into your life.

You imagined casual walks with your dog in the neighborhood. You might even have imagined walking to the coffee shop, dog in tow, chatting with a friend while your dog hangs out as you sip your brew.

Instead your dog is reacting to other dogs. Is far from walking nicely on a leash and there's no way you could have a hot latte in one hand, dog leash in the other.

Believe me, I talk to people every week that are living this one out.

Firstly, realize that you aren't alone.

Secondly, know that your dog can learn to "react" differently.

And thirdly, you got this dog because you needed to work on your own hidden reactivity. You don't realize that now, but with the thousands of dogs and their people I've worked with in the past 20+ years, this is often true.

Some dogs exhaust you. It's embarrassing to feel like you can't even leave your home because of your dog. You're in fact fearful of what you might walk back into. The damage physically and emotionally is costly.

Many people don't know about crate training or how to show their dog how to relax. Especially one with a lot of energy.

Trust me when I tell you, boundaries in these cases do work. I've watched dog people learn how calm a dog that's a bit over the top only to realize how empowering learning how to apply the off button to themselves and their thoughts that won't stop in their own head can be.

Again, you don't get the dog you want, you get the dog you need.

Learning how to turn off shuts out anxiety, uneasy feelings, and worry. If you ended up with a dog that's always ON and you want to learn how to find confident calm, start here: Dog Life Unleashed

People ask, "What did we do wrong?", when they get a dog that doesn't really dig other people.

Your dog may love your fiercely but they don't like other people so much. We get embarrassed by that. But here's the deal... firstly we expect dogs to just like everyone and everything.

That's a pretty high expectation when you consider this: do you like everyone you come in contact with immediately? Or do you keep your distance, warm up to someone's personality and then decide if you're going to be friends?

Other people put a lot of pressure on your dog. Constantly I see people asking others, "Can I pet your dog?", usually not waiting for an answer before reaching out to touch your dog, sometimes to the point of putting their face right in your dog's face.

How would you feel if a stranger did that to you?

It's okay if you have a shy dog. Your dog wasn't born into this world with an innate ability to fall in love with every single person they are forced to come into contact with.

However, you can also learn how to bring a shy dog out of fear properly. Hint: it's not by telling them "it's okay"

Dr Russ Kennedy who wrote the book Anxiety RX says that all anxiety is separation anxiety. When I read that, after working with dogs for two decades, it made so much sense.

Separation anxiety in dogs can literally feel like emotional blackmail. You feel like you can't leave your house. It's frustrating. It's heartbreaking. It's maddening. You can't tell your friends. It's embarrassing. And you feel like your family is disappointed in you.

So many in this situation are asking, "Why me?"

Over and over I have seen that the anxiety is running between the two of you. It may not look like it. Especially when you are the one holding a lot of balls in the air, with what appears to be a very successful life to many... Separation anxiety is a difficult one to address... but here's what I will tell you thousands of dogs later: Everything is energy. Your dog is a mirror. Conquer this with your dog (with the help of a professional) and you'll find peace with your own anxiety you most likely are hiding from so many but is wildly alive in your mind, especially at 3 am when you wake up with a racing mind, unable to get back to sleep.

You've tried and tried. Your dog doesn't like food. Turning your back when your dog is paying attention to something else in hopes he'll come back to you because, well you know, you're being positive isn't working.

Here's the deal. What if you didn't have dire consequences? Like let's say you just decided, in an all positive way, you're not going to pay your taxes.

Yeah.... that could turn ugly.

Or let's take fitness. You want to be in reasonable shape. Fit into your jeans. Stay healthy. It feels like pure punishment to go to the gym every week. But if you don't, what happens?

You reward yourself with food and alcohol because it's comfort. It feels good. It's all positive. Until the negative shows up... your health is compromised. The scale is tipping on the high side. You can't sleep because of the wine reward for simply getting through another day...

Highly successful people understand life is not "all positive" and that there is a cost to ignoring consequences.

The movement for all positive in dogs is not only leaving you shamed for getting you no where with your dog's behavior, it's hooking them to the addiction of food that comes in hopes of high performance like the wine reward. It feels good but a lot of things slide, wait until later and there's high hopes for a better day, while your completely frustrated in your daily life.

If you feel embarrassed, frustrated, or even shamed into the all positive method when it's not working, please know you've got support.

Albert Einstein said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.”