Men Who Don't Know How To Be Masculine

Proper social skills are part of the equation along with the first impression we make.

Not lashing out anytime someone slights you, not tipping your hand when you think someone has insulted you. I'm a public figure in our tiny community. People say stupid and insulting things to me all the time. It wouldn't be in my interests to have a hissy fit every time that happens.

Even when you think no one is looking. Someone probably is looking.

This matters for all sorts of things.

Can make fun of yourself and handle it when others make fun of you. Making fun of yourself is a super power.

Know when to be skeptical, know when to be orthogonal to society. Also relevant is realizing that it does not matter what other people have or what other people want out of life. Pursue what makes you happy and fulfilled not other peoples' expectations of these things.

The context here is situations engaging with other people and/or joining a group, assessing the group dynamic to both assimilate and bring your own personality into the group. Guys tease each other. People who can't engage in that sort of environment will never learn how to be a dude.

My experience going from high school sports to a fraternity to years working on trading floors to the fire department have all been environments where I've had a great time for understanding this dynamic. Teasing is acceptance but not everyone can grasp that.

We are not entitled to anything. The sooner we get that, the better off we'll be.

You can circle the drain of despair or you can rally and overcome. This is also an area where we set an example, talked about below.

Bad things happen. What you do about is a good measure of the man.

We have an obligation to set an example for others.

Taking advice and learning lessons from older people. We go through periods at younger ages thinking we have it all figured out. I've learned a ton since my 30's.

I'd go so far as saying playing the victim is a pet peeve of mine. Sometimes we are truly victims of something, that is different than playing the victim.

This is in part for you but also part how you set an example for others. Eating crappy food and never exercising is bad for you and sets a terrible example for anyone looking.

I don't think masculinity requires being very handy but some absolute basics, yes. Being able to replace a battery and change a flat as examples don't require knowing anything about truly fixing cards.

Hours spent in dark rooms, playing video games, eating shitty food and not going outside are a huge part of the problem.

Be able to pull yourself up, jump without hurting yourself and be able to run for a bus. These sorts of things are about basic, physical functionality. I don't think masculinity requires deadllifting 400 pounds or running a 5 minute mile. Basic physical functionality is more about being able to get stuff done.

Not rich but at some age having the ability to handle small financial bumps in the road like $1000 for a car repair or a veterinary bill.

This is a metaphor.