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New jokes

I'm using the 'Scenes we'd like to see' prompts from mock the week and trying to come up with a few of my own jokes in the process. 


    1. Unlikely small ads

    Pet store sale! Budgies going Cheep Cheep Cheep! 

    2. Things you shouldn't say on a first date

    You look beautiful today. I remember back in high school you use to be a fat pig. 

    3. Unlikely things to read on a restaurant menu

    The barmaid asked me what I would like. I said sex on the beach. All I got was a lousy drink. 

    4. Deleted lines from kids TV shows

    5. Things you don't want to hear at a vaccine clinic

    Even though the data shows that children don't need them. I believe that all kids should be vaccinated against covid. As long as it's Johnson and Johnson. That's the only one I could afford stocks in. 

    6. Rejected exam questions

    Without using the word woman, describe what a woman is. 

    7. Bad defence stratagies to use in court

    8. Unlikely vacation destinations

    How'd I end up in hospital? I was warned not to stare directly at the sun on holiday. Noone mentioned the dangers of staring at the daughter. 

    9. Things a professional photographer would never say

    What do you mean sexual assault? I warned them that I'd be flashing. 

    10. Deleted lines from a superhero movie

    Who mistakes a flying man for a bird or a plane?

    11. Bad eulogies

    The man was a hypocrite. For 20 years we'd watch WW2 documentarys together. Boring as hell. 'never forget son. Never forget.' every time.!then the old git catches altzimers. 

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