Red Flags to look for with relationships/connections?
Most of these I had to experience in real life before I learned the lesson.
One person that I 'dated' told me they loved after the first week. That relationship did not last very long.
One relationship I was in wanted to do everything with me and then became jealous when I wanted to things on my own or with my old friends. Goodbye.
1. Saying 'I love you' too quickly
The faster someone says those words the faster they can/might fall out of love with you.
Be selective when you say that.
2. Talking too much
Some people really have the gift of talking.
Anything that comes to mind can come out of their mouth and they can just keep talking.
I do not have that skill.
These people can suck up your time and and mental capacity without really having anything meaningful to say they just love having an audience.
Basically calling out myself on this one. I have gotten a lot better about doing things in the moment. But there are still plenty of things that I procrastinate on.
Like the light in my car that is still on.
It becomes a problem when someone makes a 'promise' or rather a 'commitment' to do something and then they never follow through.
4. Flashy people
Specifically people that like to show off their money.
- Car, clothes, electronics
More often than not people that are obsessed with the outside are looking for fans, not friends.
This is also not financially prudent. It will become a problem down the line.
5. Negative, rude, cruel people
Avoid these people like the plague.
They like their sorrow and you cannot save them. They will drag you down with them.
6. Political people
There are a lot of people that are obsessed with politics.
I know right now is election time.
But you have to separate politics from humanity and a lot of people cannot do that.
You do not want to be with someone that is obsessed with politics, because at some point you will not agree with them politically and that one disagreement will ruin the entire relationship.
Or they will make a poor choice like going to a political gathering and becoming a target of the FBI. You do not need that drama in your life.
You should be your own best friend.
It takes time to become comfortable with yourself.
But you need to learn to entertain yourself and not worry about someone else. It is not your responsibility to please someone else.
It is really easy to become a unit when you are in a relationship. You want to do lots of things with your partner, but you need to be comfortable doing this alone or with other friends. People get trapped in bad relationships because they become codependent and wrap their entire world around their partner.
Make sure you have things going on outside of your partner.
8. Ladder climbers
If someone is laser focused on their career or getting ahead they will have no problem using and then dropping you.
Make sure that the person actually listens to what you have to say and then makes decisions based on what you need and not just what they need.
Be careful with this one. There is a difference between laziness and fear.
A lot of people are 'lazy' because they are living in fear. They are afraid of being judged or wrong or failure so they do not do anything and are then seen as lazy.
And then there are some people who just do not have any ambition in life and are ok with living a smaller existence.
10. Debby downers
Some humans will always see the glass half empty. Avoid these people.
They will never be happy and there is too much good stuff in life to be down all the time.
11. Square block, round hole
Sometimes people look great on paper. You have a ton in common and you should be best friends, but something just does not click. Don't worry, some people you are not designed to click with.
There are plenty of people in the world.
You will find your tribe. Keep searching for the people that you click with this most.
It may be someone that you never thought you would relate to.
Humans are more similar than they are different.
12. Emotionally closed off
This is probably the biggest item on list.
Most people are not comfortable talking about difficult topics: sex, money, career, values, religion
For myself, it has taken me practicing public speaking and working in therapy to be comfortable clearly communicating things that I want and need from the people that I am close with in life.
Communication is key for any partnership: friends, lover, business partner, family members.
It all comes down to honesty and communication. Clearly communicate the truth with the people around you that matter.
Run from the people that will not communicate with you. Lack of communication will make your frustrated and will lead to big problems in your relationship over time.
13. Baby fever
Don't missunderstand me. Babies and family are wonderful and should be celebrated. But it is a sad fact that some people use babies in the wrong.
Some people want to be parents so badly.
They don't really love you, but they see you as a good provider.
They want the status symbol of being in a relationship and being married.
Don't be with this person. Have a child for the right reasons.
14. Jeykll and Hyde
This can be someone that has not yet been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
I have one friend that is the best party guest ever. Funny. Charming. Good looking and so much to be around in a social setting.
But I have to limit my interactions to those few settings. Because I have seen the dark side.
Some people can put on the best show for the crowd. But then they are nightmares when they get you alone. Temper problems. Insults. Really dramatic.
It is hard to have a meaning relationship with someone that is all over the map. And most likely this person is going to be way more wrapped up in their own life and not be able to focus on you at all.
My home is Dallas. And one of my friends lives in Oklahoma city.
One day he invited me to meet him at the Winstar Casino on the Oklahoma side of the border.
I met him and everything started out great.
We played poker and ate at the restaurant and had a few drinks. But things went down hill as the night went on.
We went to play blackjack and I noticed that my friend was getting more erratic. The bets were getting bigger and the he was getting more frantic.
It was like I was watching everything in slow motion. Suddenly my friend was not the same person, something had taken over.
He kept betting more and more until finally I told him to stop and had to drag him away from the table.
It was later that I found out he had a problem. He had not impulse control. And he eventually became an addict, not just with gambling but also with substances.
Some people physically cannot control their addictions. They must abstain to stay on the right path.
Avoid people that are in the addiction phase.