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James Q


That Will Go On Your Permanent Record!

Were you ever chided as a kid with the statement, "If you do... it will go on your permanent record?"

What is your permanent record?

Does it actually exist?

What sorts of items would scare the daylights out of you if they were on this secretive record that only select individuals can access?

Another interesting question is... if you were ever running for president (Shoutout to James Altucher's You Should Run For President Group: what dirt would the opposition find on you?

This must be the closest real example of a permanent record that you'll ever get... Except maybe your obituary. That could count too?

Okay here goes...

    1. My high school transcript

    C & D student all the way... Sorry mom! I never actually did any of my homework for all four years of high school even though I told you it was already done or that none was assigned.

    2. The jobs I was fired from

    My first "job" was pulling weeds at a local small business. I never showed up again after the first day and never collected a pay check.

    My second job was much better... I worked at a concession stand at a semi-pro hockey stadium for all four years of high school and then found a much better paying job and stopped showing up for shifts and didn't pick up my phone again.

    I learned later this is called a voluntary separation, so I probably didn't get fired, but it was still the wrong way to handle a job that was good to me for four years. Sorry Bob!

    The final job I was fired from was that clothing store retail job. I think I worked there almost four years and was an "overnight manager" making big money at $1.50 more per hour than my "employees."

    One day I was pulled into the back office and there was my district manager and some voice on the speakerphone claiming to be a representative from the corporate human resources team.

    They said I was being terminated because I broke the company fraternization policy by hanging out with employees outside of the store.

    I didn't put up a fight... I just said okay, went home, and found a new job. I later looked back at my employee handbook and found no such rule, it must have been new... Whatever!

    And then there is all the clients that have "fired" me since I started my marketing agencies. (full story here:

    The most common reason they've given me is... "It's not you it's us..." Which really means, "It is completely you, but I'm too passive to hurt your feelings." Either way, I was fired. Who cares about my feelings anyway?

    3. The things I said to the girls I once dated

    Sorry... I know many of texts, photos, chats, emails, phone calls, notes, etc that I've sent in the past would be embarrassing to myself and the women I once dated.

    I'd say I regret it and that I'm sorry... and I do, but I don't feel too bad because everything in my past made me who I am today and helped me become the man I am today.

    No hard feelings... It didn't work out because I was growing and becoming the man that would one day love and marry my dear Emily.

    4. The number of hours I've spent playing video games

    I was a professional gamer before it was cool... Yep!

    I was an admin of a gaming connection channel on GameSurge IRC where you could find matches to play on counterstrike (which I was a pro at)

    I was the #1 ranked Fireball Sorc on US EAST Diablo 2 LOD.

    I sold my Final Fantasy 11 online character + account and it paid for a cruise and camera equipment.

    I ran e-gaming tournaments with prizes, sponsors, and professionals in this early 2000's when online gaming was just taking off.

    And I was a talented Age of Empires 1 player...

    These games don't even begin to cover the tens of thousands of hours I've spent playing video games.

    I could have been a professional chess player, pianist, painter, wood worker, dancer, author, or many many others if I had repurposed this time somewhere else...

    Oh well, I learned a lot from playing video games and will write an idea list someday soon of everything that I've benefited from the hours I spent in the digital world.

    5. All the times I've disobeyed or lied to my parents

    6. Those few times I stole

    I'm a horrible thief... My conscious will destroy me.

    When I was a little kid I took a Zapados Pokemon card from someone in my neighborhood.

    My next close brush with the law a periwinkle crayon from a local diner. My parents caught me and I was forced, with tears in my eyes, to go back in and tell them I stole the crayon.

    The waitress said the crayons were free and I was allowed to take them with me... but I learned my lesson.

    I'm glad I learned this lesson when I was a kid because once, as an adult, I held $500,000.00 in cash in my hands and knew for a fact it would take a few days before anyone noticed it was missing, and that it wouldn't immediately be plausible it was me that took it... How far is Mexico from Michigan?

    7. Search results

    Imagine if everything we ever searched for on Ask Jeeves, Yahoo!, Google, and DuckDuckGo was shared with the world? Please no...

    8. Those photos or videos we've paused or zoomed in on

    Admit it... You've paused or zoomed in on a photo or video that you'd be embarrassed if your mother found out.

    Why are you following that person on Instagram anyway? Delete them!

    9. The gossiping

    "I heard what you said about me... And I don't appreciate it."

    What if every time you spoke of someone behind their back they got an alert and heard exactly what you said?

    You'd be pretty quiet...

    If this was on your permanent record you'd probably be a bit more careful of what you said out loud to others.

    10. Everything you've ever thought

    Even worse than all the things I've ever said and done are the things I've thought of saying or doing... This would be the most horrifying part of my permanent record...

    But maybe I can deny ownership of these thoughts and blame my subconscious or my lizard brain or something.

    I'm not sure.

    11. Cheating

    Story about the cheater game my family bought me which cheating was legal... Because they knew I always cheated at games.

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