Triggers by Marshall Goldsmith
The book explores our environment and how it (sometimes) triggers unwanted behavioral responses.
The idea is not to blame our environment. We can rarely change it, but rather to work on our response.
It reminds me of this sentence:
"Between the stimulus and the response, there is a space. In that space lies our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." -Viktor E. Frankl.
The environment is sometimes imposed on us (the trigger), how do we work on ourselves to choose the right response?
Marshall's proposal, be aware, be present, reflect and choose.
- You don't measure the outcome but your effort. All questions start with "Did I do my best to".
- You evaluate yourself every day in less than 2 minutes. Zero to 10 on each question.
- Marshall offers 6 generalist questions that cover the basics of a happy life. Aspiration (my why), ambition (my goals), actions (what I do every day)
- Have I done my best to :
- Set clear goals?
- Make progress towards my goals?
- Be happy?
- Find meaning in my life?
- Build positive relationships?
- Be fully engaged?
- Then you can personalize your questions on the topics you want to improve. And review them every day. If I continue in my example, it could be
- Have I done my best to
- eat more slowly?
- keep my cool with my colleagues?
- improve my active listening?
- Reflect on what we want to improve.
- Understand that our environment often negatively impacts our responses.
- Search for and implement more appropriate options.
- Have the clarity of mind to do it in the moment (AIWATT).
- And use follow-up tools (active questions) to ensure successful change.
1. AIWATT
The author's magic question to reduce daily stress, conflicts, and wasted time.
“ Am I willing, at this time, to make the investment required to make a positive difference on this topic?”
He built it on two concepts. This sentence from Peter Drucker.
"Our mission in life should be to make a positive difference, not to prove how smart or right we are."
And a Buddhist idea that reminds us that the solution is always within us.
So before we engage ( when the "trigger" comes) in a pointless discussion, we take a deep breath, return to a moment of awareness, and mentally ask ourselves this question.
“ Am I willing, at this time, to make the investment required to make a positive difference on this topic?”
If we don't have the energy to positively help with the issue, then it's best to say nothing.
2. Why it's difficult to change a behavior?
Active questions allow you to accompany and monitor the change you want to implement.
Our behavioral responses come in every day, every hour.
And we hope to change it by making a good resolution once a year. Which we often forget after a few weeks.
— umm I want to eat more slowly.
I have at least 3 chances a day to improve. But when the right dish comes along, do I remember the resolution I made 3 months ago?
— umm I wish I would stop getting angry with my co-workers.
I have dozens of opportunities a day. But when the day goes wrong. When I've just lost a big contract. When my collaborator asks me the same question about something that seems obvious to me. Do I remember my good resolution?
— umm I want to improve my active listening skills
I come home in the evening exhausted after a long day at work. My wife starts to tell me how complex her day was. She needs to talk about it. Do I take this chance to apply my active listening?
It's hard to change behavior as an adult. That's where active questioning comes in.
3. Active questions.
The principle:
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