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Nicola Fisher


What I learned after my Mum died

It's 9 years tomorrow since my Mum died. It seems like a long time ago yet no time at all. I can still clearly remember those last 24 hours.

My Mum's death was a pivotal moment that started a new chapter of my life and brought me to where I am now.

    1. Grief is surreal

    Grief throws you into a process. It's hard to describe how it impacts you. The best word I found was 'surreal'.

    2. Grief changes you

    I'm not the same person I was before my Mum died. I'm the same in many ways but subtly changed. 

    3. A new chapter

    I've always been a pragmatist. Looking back, I can see how my Mum's death put me on a new path altogether. There have been many positives to come out of the past few years.

    4. Grief shows you who you are

    I believe that loss opens up new doors and helps us peel back the layers so that we see ourselves more clearly. 

    5. Grief never goes away

    But it does mellow. I read one description that said grief is absorbed into us. It becomes a part of us. Life goes on. Every now and again something reminds us of that grief. Not often, as time goes by, but still tugs at our heart strings. 

    6. Death unites us

    People don't talk enough about loss or grief. But everyone is affected by it in some way. It's good to talk. And understand that we're all connected by our experiences.

    7. Life is short

    My Mum was 80 when she died. I was 49. It felt as though all those years had passed in a blur. Time can seem to go slow when you're in the moment but fast after the event. 

    8. You move on

    Part of your life will never be the same again but you will build a different life for yourself. You always remember but you carry on.

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