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9 steps to deal with Self-sabotage

Self-Sabotage is an unhelpful coping mechanism. If you've you ever tried to achieve a goal e.g lose weight, get healthier or quit a toxic habit. But you notice from time to time, whatever progress you made was either lost or self-sabotaged.

They are called “self-sabotage” because we ourselves are the key drivers of these behaviors and fortunately can find solutions to solving these problems.

In the simplest terms – whatever patterns and habits you’re undertaking now that is hurting your tomorrow is self-sabotage.

Discover how self-sabotage is an unhelpful coping mechanism that only makes our problems worse.

This guide provides 9 steps to help you deal with self-sabotage so that you can overcome it.

"9 Steps to Dealing with Self-Sabotage: Understand the reasons behind why you might self-sabotage.

    1. Spot Self-Sabotage Before it Happens

    Understanding the reasons behind our self-sabotaging behavior can help us to stop it.

    Be proactive and take steps to prevent self-sabotage before it starts. Learning to recognize when we are self-sabotaging can help us stop it from happening.

    The key is address the underlying emotions that trigger self-destructive behavior.

    2. Learn to love and accept yourself

    No external accomplishment or external love can do this for you. You gotta give yourself permission to love and accept yourself.

    Your self-sabotage behavior could be coming from an unresolved childhood trauma, an unhealed pain, one form of insecurity or another.

    You need to sit with yourself to discover where it’s coming from then before you can go on to fix it.

    Loving yourself makes it easy to make the most out of life and what you have instead of engaging in self-sabotage.

    3. Become Self aware of your thinking and behaviours

    During self-sabotage, our thought patterns can cause us to go into a destructive patterns and we feel less in control of our lives.

    To become more self aware - take the time to see how what you’ve done or are doing is leading you presently by slowing down and analysing things for yourself.

    Become aware of moments you engage in beliefs and the story you tell yourself. Thoughts like:

    “ I’m not good enough, “I’m not worthy for love”

    Also the thoughts you associate with certain actions. For example - Do you know when you’re leading with fear vs courage or someone has to let you know? Ego vs being solution oriented?

    Are you letting your thoughts and feelings sabotage the way you show up in the world, for yourself and your business?

    No self-awareness, no idea about your self-worth, the ego, or how it works and about self-sabotage itself.

    4. Change the way you think

    Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

    A changed mind will automatically act different, feel different, approach things differently.

    Think through what you’re doing. And the results they're bringing you.

    For example, it’s easy as a leader to expect others to serve you. But if they don’t see the attributes of leadership including humility in you – no one would willingly serve you. And bad for your ego – you’d get mad.

    Upgrade your thinking through self-reflection, books, courses and Coaches.

    Trying to change as a person entirely ( routine, habit) with the same technique we’ve been our ‘’old-selves'’ in for years or decades is a form of self-sabotage.

    5. Decide to take the right actions

    Take specific, actionable steps to address your self-sabotaging tendencies by creating a plan to Overcome self-sabotage.

    I had an extra year back in school. At first, I stopped caring about academics immediately I discovered i was more of an Entrepreneur than the “corporate type”

    But after so many years invested in school and the fact I never dropped out – I made a decision to place my academics as my utmost priority for that extra year. At that point - freedom from studying was more important than any ego.

    "From today I would stop eating junk food even it were offered for free so I can live healthier.

    “From today I would avoid or pay back any debt and make paying back a priority instead of giving excuses ?

    “From today as a leader I would learn to serve others instead of expecting to be served”

    6. Stop Procrastinating

    You know you're avoiding the most important tasks because they feel scary and uncomfortable, and you might risk getting judged that’s why you’re not taking action.

    If you can decrease the lag between thinking and taking action you could be far ahead in life.

    There’s a period of building strategy but if taking action doesn’t follow right away – you set yourself up for failure.

    When you don’t procrastinate or self-sabotage, you are guaranteed to move forward faster and more effectively in life.

    7. Stop Comparing yourself with others

    We don’t know the full story of the people we compare ourselves to most times.

    They might be going through more pain in private while showing you a different side in public.

    So decide to help yourself and instead of looking at what others are doing.

    8. Take the long-term approach

    When people sacrifice their businesses for short term gains you know they're taking short-term approach which unfortunately many entrepreneurs do.

    Progress is never linear but is always forward unless you QUIT!

    Quitting is not a solution, as you know. It’s another form of self-sabotage.

    9. Seek assistance and/or accountability partner

    We may not in every situation be able to sit ourselves down to find truth. Sometimes, we need someone to teach us the fundamentals of our mind and how to regulate our thoughts, feelings and emotions.

    Whatever way works for you e.g. going for Therapy sessions, working with a Coach or family member.

    They could provide help and accountability to help you get out of self-sabotage.

    10. Bonus point: Let go of your self-doubts and limiting beliefs

    "You can't do that!" "you don't deserve that!" "if you try you'll just fail!"

    Self-doubt is when we start to question ourselves, our beliefs our thoughts and is responsible for not accepting ourselves and procrastination.

    My Coach friend … recommends Affirmation to get rid of self doubt –

    “You can overcome your self-doubt and sabotage with one simple easy tool!

    It's so powerful and effective, but most people won't even try it!


    When you form a positive mental image of yourself this activiates the areas of the brain that actually experiencing these things we do!

    Do Affirmations every morning to set your day off to the right start!”

    • I am growing and becoming.
    • I am enough.
    • I have all that I need within me now.
    • I am here for a purpose.
    • I love myself.


    Only when you learn to love yourself and have a relationship with yourself and God, can you start to appreciate ALL you have, stop judging and stop comparing yourself to others.

    You gotta remind yourself every time you fall down and feel like giving up how you did not come this far just to quit.

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