10 Dreams

Usually her kitchen. A place of some of my earliest memories. The small mud room that always housed some Yoo-hoo and was the true entrance to the home - straight to the kitchen. The decor that never changed, the corn kernel roosters, and the old stove, the tiniest little half bathroom, and the nook for the table. A space to gather and eat some of the best feasts. Dreams of the grandmother I loved but didn't know so much. Side note: a very sweet family recently bought her home and seem so excited to honor the history of the home as well as make it their own - I'm happy for them.

A dream of being in a store with my mother and sisters. My nephew is back to being a small baby/toddler and crawling all over me as we both wait rather impatiently for my sisters to finish trying on clothes. My nephew climbing up on to my back and shoulders, and tumbling right on to his head. Wake up.

A more recent one - coming home from work with my husband sitting on the couch waiting for me.

"We need to talk"

Hearing that he's no longer in love with me and cannot continue to live together, but not to worry, he'll be the one to move out. And then having the audacity to ask if we can still sleep together because that's still fun.

My husband was quite reassuring that he will not be going anywhere after I woke up a bit upset.

A field or meadow - tall grass, the light whisper of a breeze, a perfect day, and the joy of running through the field. Not a care in the world.

Some dreams go a bit haywire and I can no longer walk properly, or ride a bike, or do anything that involves travel of some sort. A car? I'll fall out the door. A bike, falls right over. Walking? My leg/ankle twists and I trip. No ice skating, or boating, no swimming, or flying. It's so bizarre when it happens.

As a child I was abused by a family member for a number of years until I was finally physically able to fight back. I am also one of countless women (and men) who has experience other types of sexual violence as a teenager and college student. I don't necessarily dream about those exact moments, but I do dream about situations that are similar or ways in which I'm scared/restrained and I so desperately want to scream and cannot. One, just one time I was able to scream - and I woke up screaming.

I have no idea why, but I have had quite a few dreams about some of my old supervisors. They're always extremely realistic to the point I have to think at time to consider whether a conversation happened in real life or in dream life. Too many bosses still around in dream life.

This likely happens when I'm not receiving enough for a period of time. I'll dream of just cuddling up to one of my partners on the couch (or something explicit at times), or hanging out with friends and the natural affection that comes with being people you're incredibly close to. I like these comfort-type dreams.

A hallmark of PTSD (I've mentioned this before) - having dreams/nightmares that may not be the exact situation but will either resemble it somewhat, but most importantly will have the imprint of the same emotions you felt from the trauma/events. The feelings that come up for me tend to be related to loss, rejection, fear/terror, not quite fitting in, and such. It's a way for the brain to process.

One of my best friends from the past. We no longer talk, and that's ok, but I still think of them from time to time. I still check in when I can from afar to see they are happy & healthy, and thriving. And my dream mind features them often. Usually conversations, past memories as dreams, or reconnecting, or situations if we were friends again. Perhaps it's not meant to happen in the real world, but can't control dreams.