10 fun facts about amphorae that happen to be lies

I was walking around my parents' house today and I realized we have an outrageous amount of amphorae (ostensibly in homage to our Greek heritage). This inspired a quick read of the "amphora" wikipedia page. Here's 10 fun facts about them that are absolutely untrue, thought up with a bit of humor.

1. Amphorae have to have 3 handles, or they're not "real"

2. Amphora were invented for transporting bourbon

3. Amphora is the plural of amphorus

4. Amphorae are essentially unbreakable. Test this yourself!

5. Amphorae reflect the reality of the ancient world: one of flat, 2-dimensional people that exist in a cosmos of sepia

6. Amphorae quickly declined in popularity with the invention of Tupperware

7. Zeus, formerly the most popular figure depicted on amphorae, was surpassed by Hera in 1400 B.C. due to the newfound popularity of women's history month

8. Amphorae can be disguised as everyday objects. The Stanley Cup, most cocktail shakers, Mr. Potato Head-- all amphorae

9. Alexander the Great won his re-election campaign on the promise of delivering an amphora in every home

10. If you rub an amphora 3 times, Diogenes will pop up and won't go away until you give him more wine