10 things I learned from finding meaning in the second half of life by James Hollis

1. Most people’s families don’t get along

2. Rely on yourself for inner calm

3. Ideally a marriage creates a third entity: it is not you or your spouse

What I got out of this concept is that this third entity can be independent of you. Ideally, both partners would work towards making this third entity, larger than either one of you can accomplish on your own. You could have financial success, or other things that might be beyond what just one of you could produce.

In less than ideal situation, which is what many people would wind up with, thinking of your marriage as some thing that is outside of you could be helpful to know. You can still have your own path and your marriage can have it on path and they can both exist, but one doesn't have to hold the other one back.

4. Being independent in your psyche makes all family relationships better

If you are not replaying problems with your parents or reliving problems with your kids and just focus on yourself, you'll be a better service to your parents and your kids. And also be stronger for yourself.

5. A strong family let’s people come and go without judgement

The family should let you return and come back stronger.

6. The goals of the career in the first half of life are often set by “society “ in the second half you should look to your soul for your vocation

7. Meaning is found over the long term

Vocation instead of career: Vocation is a spiritual calling

8. Solitude is the antidote for Loneliness

Being comfortable with yourself is very important. Being calm and not looking for somebody else to be your source of comfort gives you stability for yourself and gives you better stability with others as well.

9. Our culture emphasizes addiction and distraction spirituality goes beyond

10. Matter is in a constant state of change

He gives example of a chair that is imperceptibly decaying as we sit in it.

11. Really can only be known by our perceptions of it

Reality happens for everyone, but we can only know reality through our own perspective

12. Spirituality is important in the second half of life

This is not necessarily the spirituality of organized religion. The author talks about getting in touch with God, and exploring powers greater than yourself.

13. Depression has many causes but…

A primary cause of depression and addictions is when your expectations don't match your reality. The author states that when you have unrealistic or inappropriate expectations, based on what society might be telling you, like having a big house, or a nice car, can lead you to states of depression and addiction to try to mask these feelings.

14. Anxiety is generalized and debilitating, fear is specific and addressable

The goal is to think about your anxiety until you realize the cause of the anxiety which is a collection of fears. Then you can address these fears on their own.

15. Evaluate what has disappointed you in the first hall of life and don’t repeat it in the second half

May people have spent decades living someone else's dream. You can change.

Chris407x