10 unconventional (and possibly stupid) ways to save time
1. Don't waste time washing up
You're not gonna die if you stop showering or brushing your teeth
2. Never walk. Always run.
Getting groceries becomes a lot more fun. You'll get out of your car, sprint to the store while trying not to get hit by cars, and dash around inside the store grabbing stuff off of shelves.
If you're Catholic, you're going to run to the front of the church to receive Holy Communion.
3. Learn to speed read
Read everything as fast as possible. As long as you get 70% comprehension, that's good enough. (If you see a warning sign that says, "DO NOT TOUCH, YOU WILL DEFINITELY DIE", if all you see is "DO ___ TOUCH, YOU WILL DEFINITELY ___" that's good enough)
4. Batch eating
Batch all meals and drinking together and do it all at once. Instead of three meals a day with snacking and drinking throughout the day, just have one huge feast each day and don't waste about eating or drinking at other times.
5. Speed up your media
Listen to music and podcasts at at least 2x speed. Watch movies and videos at at least 2x speed.
6. Don't waste time with chit chat
Start all conversations with "What do you need from me?" or "I need..."
7. Sleep as little as possible
"Sleep is for the weak" -- one of my past roommates
"There'll be plenty of time to sleep when you're dead" -- my dad
Sleep is such a waste of time. You literally spend hours each day doing nothing. Who can afford to waste so much time?
8. Park in handicap spots whenever possible, even if you're not handicapped
Imagine the time you'll save from crossing the parking lot! (If you get fined, it's okay. Think of it as the price you pay for a prime parking spot all the time!)
9. Learn the art of cutting in line
It really is an art. Experiment with lines like, "Do you know who I am?", "I have a million Instagram followers!", or "Can I just cut in here for a sec? My mom just died."
You can also try intimidation tactics, stealth cutting, or pretending to be with the person in front of you.
10. Delegate everything
You're too important and your time is too priceless for you to worry about ridiculous things like walking your dog, playing with your kids, or going on dinner dates with your wife. Delegate these things! Pay a dog walker. Hire a nanny. Ask your neighbor to go on dinner dates with your wife. Imagine all the time savings!