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Bob: "Dr. Baltazar, I have a persistent problem" (2 min 21 sec)


    1. Dr. Baltazar: "What troubles you today, Bob?"

    2. Bob: "Dr. Baltazar, I just don't know what to do anymore. It feels like Sarah and I are constantly on edge."

    "Everything I do seems to annoy her.  The other night, I left my dirty socks on the floor, and you wouldn't believe the lecture I got!"
    (therapist nods)
    Bob:  "Look, I know I'm not perfect. I can be messy sometimes. But it's like she nitpicks everything.  It makes me feel like a child being scolded. Honestly, I don't even feel like talking to her anymore because I'm afraid of what I might say back."
    (therapist listens attentively)
    Bob:  "The worst part is, it wasn't always like this.  We used to have so much fun together. Now, there's just this tension hanging in the air.  I miss the way things used to be. I just want a happy marriage again, Dr. Baltazar.  Is that too much to ask?"

    3. (therapist speaks)

    Dr. Baltazar: "What do your wife's actions have to do with you, Bob?"
    Your picture of your wife can only mirror what is within you. Seeing your wife as the problem is not happiness, it's suffering. And suffering is not what you want. You want to be happy. You are not dealing with what your wife is. On the contrary, you are exclusively concerned with what she does in a body. You are not helping to free her from the body's limitations. You are actively trying to hold her to it by confusing her body with what she is and judging them as the same. 
    Are the kinds of things you get upset about always associated with what your wife is doing in her body? She says something you do not like and you judge her. She does something that displeases you and you judge her once more. She betrays your hostile thoughts in her behavior. Your life is about your own salvation. Heal your mind and that is enough. There only needs to be one sane spouse in the house. Why don't you appoint yourself as the designated driver on your way to a Holy Relationship?
    Bob: Hmmm. Wow!
    I am sorry.
    Please forgive me.
    Thank you.
    I love you.
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