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Comedy Class - Tam Jones

I attended a comedy class today. The first assessment was to tell a story about a time I made an arse of myself. I thought that retelling the story of how I got fired would be a good start. I was then tasked to expand on the story and to bring the audience in more. This is my attempt at that. Hopefully I can make it funny as well. 

Comedy Class - Tam Jones

    1. Security

    Security was never a job I wanted to do, but as the sumo apprentice who has been tasked with wiping his masters arse once said 'a jobs a job'.  

    At this point I had been doing it for about a year. We'd get on a bus, travel to the event then spend the next 12 hours standing about doing nothing, that was unless we got lucky and had some knobheads causing trouble that we were then tasked to handle. Nothing or chaos, the joys of security. 

    2. Wicker man

    This particular festival, burning man (or maybe it was another one. In any case the names not important.) Sir Tom Jones was the headline act. You'd put up with all the other acts playing that weekend, but it was him you were there to see.

    The festival was your typical festival tons of tents, snackvans selling your favourite greesy foods, overpriced watered down alcahol and cracheads shagging in the portaloos. I was tasked, along with a few other to watch the entrance to and from the campsite to the main festival area. Easy task, pat down customers, confiscate their alcohol and hide it under the table to consume myself later. As easy as it was, it was boring as hell. Pat down, hide bottle, 'in you go', repeat. Pat down, hide bottle, 'in you go', repeat. Pat down, hide bottle, 'in you go', repeat. Pat down, hide bottle, 'in you go', repeat. We were all going crazy. 

    3. Jokes

    Our supervisor was going just as crazy as us, but he hit psychotic levels a little sooner. It was here where he came up with a fun game to pass the type. 'let's joke and wind up the customer.'. In hindsight it's pretty obvious that this is a bad move, but in our sleep deprived, crazy states we thought Einstein himself had came up with this genuis idea.

    You've got a stane on your shirt, ffllick, hit their nose as they look down to check. Hahaha! Pull my finger. And the worst one of all - Tam Jones. I don't know where my supervisor plucked this masterpiece from, but it was so bad that it resulted in us all losing our jobs. 

    4. Tam Jones

    After the pat down, hide bottle and just before the 'in you go' my supervisor hit out with 'I hope you know Tom Jones isn't playing tonight' the customers took a step back, shocked 'What!' the supervisor nodded his head 'yup. He's in hospital, but don't worry we have a replacement' the customers are like 'he's in hospital. Is he OK? Is he dying? Replacement? Who on earth can replace the legend that is Sir Tom Jones?' the supervisor continues 'yeah they've managed to hire his Scottish brother' puzzled the customers are thinking 'brother? He's not got a brother. Has he?' the supervisor then turned to us and asked 'sure Tom Jones is in hospital and their getting his brother to replace him tonight' we all nodded, what else could we do? 'yeah his brothers playing tonight. What's he called again?' supervisor smiles and hits out with 'Tam Jones! Hahaha! Hahaha,' and for some reason all of us found this to be hilarious 'Tam Jones! Hahaha!' customers where relieved and a little scared of how we were laughing so hard at this so they let out a nervous laugh 'ha ha ha...' we took this as confirmation that this joke really was the greatest joke ever written and so continued to tell it to everyone else that entered the festival. 

    5. The next day

    After a really good shift of tears of joy and laughter, we drank all the confiscated alcohol and had a great sleep. The next day my boss awoke me. 

    'I've heard that you where telling jokes yesterday.' proud that our jokes had reached far beyond our post I replied 'yeah. We were telling the customers jokes. Lightning up everyone's spirits it was fun' 

    'well someone didn't find it funny' I'm like ok, not everyone finds Dave Chappelle funny, doesn't mean that he's not hilarious. 

    'someone thought you where telling the truth' and I'm like aye, sure they did. We're not that good at acting. 

    'They heard you say Tom Jones wasn't playing and ended up going home.' oops. 'we now need to componsate her' oops. 'as a result you're all being let go' fair enough. I only wish I got fired over a better joke. 

    6. Thoughts

    What do you think?

    Is it funny? I defenetly made an arse of myself I just don't know if it's funny, maybe that's the next step. 

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