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How could the wife be the problem? (3 min 30 sec)


    1. Discovering that his wife cheated on him, the husband is upset.

    His upset arises from a perception of reality that differs from the actual truth. He imagines a wife who remained faithful (unreality - fantasy) which causes him to suffer. While he holds onto this fantasy, rational decision-making is impossible. The husband's suffering stems from his refusal to accept the reality of his wife's infidelity which is in the past.

    The husband will never succeed as long as he focuses on the effect (infidelity) rather than the cause (broken relationship). The husband reacts to mental images he constructs in his mind only to forget he made them up. How can these images not impede his ability to find peace within himself? The truth sets the husband free and puts him in a position to make informed choices.  

    With clarity decisions about the direction of the relationship are made with equanimity and benefit all parties involved. It's important for the husband not to deny the existence of his wife's infidelity but also not to dwell on it. Accepting it as "what is" is all that's asked of the husband. Accept what, many may ask? Well, it's up to the husband to "call it" or decide "what it means" since he's the one who's making it up.

    2. Provocative questions the husband may choose to contemplate.

    Were you taken aback when you learned of your wife's infidelity?
    Did the wife's infidelity confirm your suspicions?
    Your wife's infidelity has nothing to do with your wife's actions and everything to do with what you and you alone - are thinking and believing.  How does this sit with you?
    What underlying reasons contribute to your distress unrelated to your wife's actions?
    Has your perception of your wife changed post-revelation?
    Do you believe your mental replay of the event accurately reflects what occurred? 
    How does your wife's infidelity mirror what's going on in your mind?
    Who has caused you greater harm – yourself or your wife? 
    Are you committed to salvaging the relationship and forgetting about the past?
    Where does the pain reside – is it in your mind or somewhere else?
    What satisfaction do you derive from clinging to the belief in your wife's infidelity? 
    Would it be apt to consider that your wife betrayed herself rather than you?
    Did your wife act to the best of her abilities given her circumstances?
    Is real love inherently transient, subject to abrupt changes?
    Have you forgiven your wife for actions she did not undertake?
    Do you view your wife as necessitating repair?
    What symbolic significance does your wife's infidelity hold for you?
    In what ways have you deceived yourself, presently and historically?
    How would your perception of your wife shift without your preconceived notions? 
    Would you categorize your relationship as a Sacred Relationship or a Special Relationship?

    3. The husband is the only one who can set himself free because he's the one who tied himself up.

    I am sorry.
    Please forgive me.
    Thank you.
    I love you.
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