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Bill Bergeman


How to Spend $30 Million Dollars in 30 Days

One of the great, underrated comedic films from the 1980s is Brewster's Millions.

Starring the inimitable Richard Pryor and John Candy, the story is about Richard Pryor's character, who is living a happy life yet is struggling financially, inheriting 300 million dollars from a long-lost elderly and extremely wealthy relative, but to keep it he must first spend 30 million dollars in one month with NOTHING left over in the end but the shirt on his back.

With his best friend, John Candy's character, the two embark on a hilarious spending spree, leaving the audience on edge as to whether or not they would be able to accomplish the mission.

So, the premise got me wondering: How would I spend that much money - which admittedly buys far less in 2022 than it did in 1985 - and have nothing left over but the shirt on my back?

    1. Throw an epic weekend-long oceanside party at a rented mansion in Malibu.

    Guests to include A-list actors, the Kardashians, Justin Bieber, and everyone on NotePD!

    2. Pay Paolo $500,000 to teach me how to solve a Rubik's Cube.

    3. Hire Gordan Ramsay to be my personal chef for every meal.

    And I get to berate him on how terrible his cooking is.

    4. Purchase tickets for box seats to every Chicago Bears game that takes place the next month for my friends and family.

    What better gift is there in the universe than free tickets to a Bears game? The experience will have all-inclusive dining, an open bar with top-shelf liquor, and a meet-and-greet with players after each game.

    5. Take daily entrepreneurial lessons from James Altucher.

    Since I'm going to be broke at the end of the month, I'll need to make some money, and who better to learn the craft of entrepreneurship than James?!

    6. Supply every food shelter in New York City with all the perishable supplies they need for a month.

    Canned goods, yes, but I'd have my old Gordan Ramsay whip up some special meals for everyone as well.

    7. Tip every service person I encounter with $2,000 bills.

    James' 2-dollar bill tip method on steroids. If $2,000 don't exist (I don't even know), I'll have them printed!

    8. Rent a private jet, replete with a full staff, and visit all the high-rolling gambling destinations in Europe.

    Including Monaco, Malta, and Ibiza. Enter all the high-roller poker games and be sure to lose.

    9. Hold a lottery to select 100 winners and pay off their student debt.

    My guess is I would have no lack of interest in this one.

    10. Take a suborbital trip on Virgin Galactic's SpaceShipTwo.

    With Richard Branson as my seatmate, of course.

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