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Bill Bergeman


If I Were President

    1. I would finally tell the world what the fu*k is going on with UFOs!

    We deserve to know!

    2. I would declassify all documents related to the John F. Kennedy assassination.

    With zero redactions!

    3. I would eliminate the income tax and replace it with a VAT.

    If we were starting from scratch, I don't think we could come up with a dumber system for funding the government than to tax its citizens on the amount of value they provide to society. Two kids sitting in their front yard running a lemonade stand could think of a better funding mechanism.

    Instead of punishing people for earning more money and doing better work, charge them more for their consumption. This is America, where consuming dumb things beyond our financial means is practically a competitive sport, so we're not going to stop buying things just because there is a higher tax on them. Also, because we'll be keeping all of our income instead of shipping 20-40% of it to Uncle Sam, we'll have more discretionary income to spend. Everyone wins!

    4. I would eliminate all student debt and abolish the government's ability to provide student loans.

    The government has zero business funding higher education. All of its meddlings have done nothing but con students into thinking they are taking on "good" debt and that it will be easily paid off or forgiven someday.
    Clearly, that isn't happening. In turn, colleges and universities have had free reign to increase tuition far, far beyond the rate of inflation. Further, it's unconscionable to consider interest on student loans as a funding mechanism for the government (which is how it's viewed today).

    5. I would set term limits for everyone in Congress.

    The president does not have the sole power to make this decision, but let's talk about it anyhow. So much corruption stems from these politicians in so-called "safe" districts that sit in their seats like unworthy kings sitting on thrones for decade after decade. They feel like they can do whatever they want. Term limits are the fastest way to "clean the swamp."


    It's official!

    7. I would reduce public school requirements to eight grades rather than twelve.

    In reality, we could probably teach kids all they need to know in just four years, let's be honest. Everything else they can learn on their own, just as we all do now after school. Think of the money this would save taxpayers! Not to mention we could eliminate some of the B.S. classes we push on our kids in high school.

    8. I would make public speaking, entrepreneurship, physical education, and financial education standard requirements in public schools.

    The four things that would benefit people the most in society are never discussed in school other than some rudimentary physical education. How does that make any sense?

    9. I would eliminate the two-party system.

    I am so, so sick of hearing democrats and republicans fight like unruly schoolchildren.

    10. I would reduce all political campaigns to one month.

    All campaigns must commence no earlier than one month before an election. We don't need one, two, three years, or more of pointless campaigning and bickering to decide who to elect. Have one debate a week before the election, done.

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