My favourite jokes

During the pandemic I took up joke writing. Heres a few of my favourites.

* sorry about lack of good lists. I've been working a lot lately, not really got the brain power, but I still want to keep up my strek of doing it daily.

1. Whaling

My son was whaling the other day. Wwaaaa.... Waaa.... Waaa..... Tears and snot everywhere. I just stood there, looked at him, then said 'what did you expect? You just shot it with a harpoon'

2. Creation

I always wondered how I was created. I thought it was the normal way, until I thought about it. My dad's black and my mums white, what does that make? Grey. I'm not grey, so I searched Google for the answer. Turns out I'm a mixture of flour, eggs, flour, sugar and coco powder. I'm a brownie.

3. Newspaper

My dad was sitting at the desk with his newspaper,sucking a pen. Every so often he'd jolt then scribble something down quickly in the newspaper. I was currently so I asked 'what are you doing?' he must have not heard me so I shouted 'Daaaaddd! What are you doing!', he just growled. So, I walked up,poked his side and said 'Daaaaddd! What are you doing?' he quickly stood up stared at and let's just say he said 'a few crosswords'

4. Shoot animals

I like to shoot animals

With my camera

So I can share my kills on Facebook

5. Roller coaster

I bought myself a roller-coaster. Usless, spilt my tea everywhere

6. Our Souls

I was in church the other day. Minister was preaching as normal, until I noticed a mistake. He said 'our souls go to heaven'. So I stood up and corrected him 'you're wrong. Good people go to heaven arse-holes go to hell'

7. Homeless

Lockdowns made me aware of something odd. The longer we stay at home, the more homeless we look

8. Pharmacy

I was up the town centre. An old man stopped me and said 'excuse me son. Is that a pharmacy?' I looked at him puzzled. 'think you need an opticians mate. That's a chemist's. Looks nothing like a farm'

9. Arson

Dad are we going to set that house on fire?

Yes we arson