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Rocco's Jokes - Part 10

More of my funny, funny jokes.

    1. I Love You

    Farmers wife walks into a barn only to see her husband, the farmer, kissing a sheep. The farmers wife breaks down in tears. 'Why? I thought you loved me. I thought you'd always love me' The farmer looks back at her confused. Then laughs. 'No no no. You misunderstood. I said I love ewe and would always love ewe. EWE. The sheep'

    2. Depression

    People often say 'Rocco how are you always so happy?' Which makes me smile, until the continue with 'Your a loser. No-one likes you. Since leaving high school you've accomplished nothing. I just don't get it. How can someone as pathetic as you, still be so happy?' I reply 'Thanks for that. Truth is, I am a loser. Such a loser in fact. That not even depression want's to be around me.'

    Then I laugh my way back to my room, alone. Where I break down and cry.

    3. France Terrorist

    Whilst in France a terrorist attacked the city, killing everyone around me. Finally it was my turn. He walked up, machete in hand. Cowering away all I could let out was 'Mercy. Mercy. Mercy'. He smelled. Thanked me Forfar my support and walked away.

    4. Caravan

    Is that a caravan?

    Neither, it's my mobile home

    5. Cancer

    I'm sorry to telly you this.

    It's ok doc. tell it to me straight


    can I what?

    can sir drop his pants and bend over.

    6. Macbook

    I went to the genus bar to pick up my matchbook. When I arrived the genus was angry. 'How the hell did you end up with so much gunk in there?' I replied 'I was trying to use the smoothie feature. Sorry I was confused as to where to input all the fruits' I saw his eyes turn red 'Smoothie feature. Smoothie feature!' I try to calm things down by bonding with him' Yeah. What's your favourite smoothie ?' Apple man-gos bananas

    7. Ginger The Cat (Original Song)

    I further look into the madness of my mind.

    8. Jobs

    Good morning class. Today we are going to talk about jobs. What would you like to be when you grow up?

    John - Fireman

    Bill - Football player

    Sandra - Scientist

    Good class all great choices. And what about you Karen. What would you like to be?

    Karen - Ofended!

    9. Asians

    Have you noticed how Chinese, Japanese, and Koreans, all look the same? What do you mean there's nothing racist about that. It's a fact. Of course they all look the same. They all look with their eyes.

    10. Trans Woman

    My Asian friend says that trans woman are kinky.

    No, no, no. They naughty.

    Haha! kinky. not he. Same thing

    11. Gas Leak

    I farted at the store today. Boss sniffs and is like 'Do you smell gas' I'm like 'Haha! yeah I smell it' he replies 'This is no laughing matter. Outside now' I'm thinking, you can't be fired for farting, can you? I wait outside anyway. Before I know it I see the rest of my workmates being kicked outside. Then we hear the tannoy 'Excuse me customers. There has been a gas leak. I repeat there has been a gas leak. Please make you're way outside of the building'. After a few hours the ghostbusters come. Scanning the store to find this leak (which isn't there remember. It was me farting). So after an hour or so of scanning, they deem it safe to return . I wasn't;t sure how to break this to my boss, he lost a lot of business. So yeah. That 'gas leak' was me. Sorry. .

    12. Take the knee

    I've seen a lot of angry football fans with players taking the knee to help end racism. Which got me thinking 'Is there a better way to protest racism?' then it hit me. Of course there's a better way - Boo for racism. Players just start hissing and booing instead. Fans can join in if they agree and if they disagree, what are they gonna do? Join in as well. It wins on every level.

    So if thought my set you feel like booing for racism feel free to. Ending racism is much more important than my set.

    13. Psychopath

    Some people think im a psychopath. They knock me down and ride their bikes on top of me. hahaha! Then I chase after them, knock them down. Kick their heads in and capture them. Bring them down, into my basement where I torture them. They beg 'No. Please no. I'm sorry. Forgive me', but I don't. I continue. Mmmhahahah!!!! Psychopath !

    14. The Moon (Original Song)

    I think this is my favourite original song.

    15. What makes a woman?

    I thought the circular logic would make a fun song.

    16. Literally Hitler

    have you heard of Literally Hitler? Don't confuse him with Adolf. Adolf was the guy with the funny most ash during WW2. He was responsible for the deaths of millions of people. Adolf was a terrible person. But Literally Hitler is much worse. He's offensive.

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