Ten Reasons To Focus On Yourself Prior To Dating
What does this even mean? I’m not married yet. I don’t have a kid. Do I qualify to write on this?
But I have all that as part of my goals in the future and finding the right one is part of the plan.
“I didn’t get any pus*y last night. He yelled at the airport.
Then he complained of her statement. Her only excuse was something vague like - “I just can’t do this.”
And so was his brain. He couldn’t comprehend.
First we conversed since we were going to the same destination and we were a bit early. I found he came from a “tech town”. And I asked if he coded or owned a business.
He sighed. Nothing. “I was just born there.”
Then later came the yelling and whining. He was on a Video group call with his guy friends. And all they were talking about was “who smashed who” last night.
Then I thought of my experience. I met her two weeks before then.
From the first day – we shared a lot in common. I liked her. She liked me. At least she said so.
We were constrained by time as we both stayed in that town for only 3 weeks. And we were literally struggling with different thoughts and plans.
But then she was interesting. Not just that she had much interests to talk about but she actually READs. The first lady I met that loved to read. Even though it was only FICTION but it meant something and was a good sign.
We talked about everything. Then we talked about dating. She had dated and dated. Then she asked me - “How many girls have you dated?”
The answer was embarrassing to her. Apart from one or two ladies I had met without even getting into a serious relationship – that was it.
She had been dating since high school. I didn’t ask for her body count. But she’s dated and dated and had so much experience.
And she was a good kisser. Her love energy was insane.
We said we missed each other afterwards. We were headed entirely different routes.
I never saw her again until a Facebook post.
She got engaged.
Then She got married.
Yep, I didn’t really put effort. Maybe the story would have ended differently.
I knew I just wasn’t ready.
10 Reasons To Focus On Yourself Prior To Dating
1. Getting to Know Yourself
It is important to know who you are as an individual prior to dating so that you can be confident in yourself and know what you want in a partner.
Take a break if from dating apps if you’re struggling to find yourself.
Maybe you’re trying to first achieve a certain level of success. Or feel you’re losing yourself lately due to too much dating and pleasing the other party.
Then it’s time to pause or eliminate the random dating sites. No tinder and bumble.
Prioritize your goals such as money, fitness, health over women as a man. It applies the same with females. You want zero distractions at such periods.
People spend hours each day on social and dating apps just creeping and it can be a highly unproductive activity.
2. Establishing Your Priorities
By focusing on yourself, you can establish your priorities and figure out what you are looking for in a relationship.
What do you like? What do you want out of life? What are your goals and aspirations?
These are things you need to figure out before you can let someone else into your life.
It's important to know what you want in a partner and in a relationship before you start dating. This way, you can avoid wasting your time with someone who is not a good fit for you.
3. Don’t date without a plan
Men are known to be “hunters.” We always have a plan in mind.
When you start to take your life more seriously as a man - you realize most friendships with the other sex would only cost you responsibility without any returns.
When you’re willing to date – make sure the other party is aware of your intention. “I’m asking you out” can save you countless pointless “dates” and money.
This way they know you’re serious and take you more seriously.
It takes wisdom to stop being afraid of rejection. What's the worst that can happen? You weren't dating or whatever before so you haven't actually lost anything.
If they reject you, it wasn't meant to be so dust yourself off and try again!
If they’re not interested – they shouldn't be comfortable with any big investment of your time and attention unless they’re just "players."
4. Make sure your dating is in alignment with your goals.
Its more fun and rewarding when you're both working on your goals such as health, fitness and careers.
I’ve seen people who’re really into their faith say it comes before any relationship and they’re not willing to get it any other way round.
So in such case your relationship must also be increasing your faith.
The fact is your dating life should be benefiting every aspect of your lives.
My present lady never wants me to overspend on any random stuff. And I find it really thoughtful of her and see her as a “keeper.”
5. If you’re losing your peace - then it costs too much
This is a bitter pill to swallow if you’re in a toxic relationship. You get to lose your peace of mind but find it hard to let go.
Sexual intimacy, money, attention etc can never substitute for peace of mind.
Most of those are not stable even in a normal relationships but your peace of mind should be a guaranteed asset in any healthy relationship.
You need to be happy and content with who you are as an individual prior to adding another person into the mix. If you're not happy with yourself, you're not going to be able to make your partner happy.
6. Don’t chase
Chasing is a form of desperation. And shows no respect for yourself even you get ghosted.
When the guy at the airport was all screaming and yelling "he didn’t get any p*ssy last night"– it was all desperation for sex like an "animalistic act."
No affection there.
Imagine if the lady had been the one chasing for those periods and only realized it at the last moment.
So many girls regain their senses close to or after sex.
Instead of chasing, work on developing yourself to attract people who are worth your time and attention.
7. Give yourself time to heal after a breakup
Don’t try to date too soon after a breakup, or you may not be ready to open yourself up to someone new.
Allow yourself to feel all the emotions – the good and the bad.
Here's a word from Joseph Wells on his popular Lessons from 30 years of living post:
"Marriage is for making things work. Dating is for finding the best person to make things work with.
When you break up, break up. Don’t stay friends. Don’t take a break. Move on. Delete their social media. Block their number. Forget about them. It hurts at first and it’s easier to drag things out, but you’ll feel better faster if you don’t."
8. Discover Who You Are
When you’re in a relationship, you tend to forget about your own hobbies and interests.
Once you’re single again, it’s time to rediscover those things that make you happy. Focusing on yourself will help you figure out what you want in a partner.
9. Learning to Love Yourself
Learning to love yourself is an important step in dating because if you don't love yourself, it will be difficult to find someone who loves you.
Learn to be more deserving of love again.
10. You'll Be A Better Partner
If you're able to focus on yourself and work on becoming the best possible version of yourself, you'll be a better partner in a relationship.
Your partner will appreciate your efforts and you'll be setting a good example.
11. Bonus point: Practice
Getting out of your comfort zone when you feel ready won't be easy.
Dating again after a long relationship or painful breakup will feel awkward.
Opening your heart again to the possibility of new love will feel doubtful.
Dating is a skill. It takes practice.
Go online and install 1-2 apps if that works for you. But put yourself out there.