Unmasking the True Triggers of Upset. (4 min 15 sec)

At first, my ego mind fights back, convinced it knows the cause. But I take a moment to calm myself.

I delve into the emotions I'm experiencing - pain, distress, anxiety, or depression. Fear, anger, or hatred may also be present. And I sense a common thread among them, something I hadn't considered before. Now, I search my mind for the supposed sources of this turmoil.

I discovered that I'm not afraid of getting on a public bus for the reasons I assume. Nor am I angry with my son, worried about aging, or upset with my neighbor for their expected motives. The various forms of distress I face all have a name, yet they are more related than I realized.

Take this scenario: I am not worried, afraid, or furious with Emily for the reasons I believed. I used to attribute each upset to a specific person or situation, unwilling to see the bigger picture. But now, I grapple with the truth that all disturbances, no matter their size, disrupt my inner peace. I'm either upset or at peace.

Holding onto one upset while releasing another is a futile exercise. I can't afford to keep any form of upset - be it with a stranger or concerning my family matters.

This artificial distinction leads me nowhere. I've come to see that if I cling to my anger towards my friends and aim to let go of other upsets, I remain in a state of distress. Therefore, I place everything in the same category, noting both the perceived source and the accompanying feelings.

This revelation applies to nearly any situation: personal achievements, health struggles, relationship dynamics, or even missed opportunities. Upset comes in various flavors, but the practice remains the same - acknowledging that I am not upset for the reasons I initially assumed.

Anger in Traffic: While you may believe traffic is the source of your frustration, the actual cause might be deeper issues like impatience or a sense of not having control in your life.

Frustration at Work: The annoyance with a colleague might actually stem from your own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy.

Anxiety about Public Speaking: You may believe you're nervous about the act of speaking itself, but deeper fears about being judged and not being good enough could be the true cause.

Sadness from a Romantic Rejection: Beyond the rejection, the deeper upset could be linked to a fear of being alone and feelings of unworthiness.

Irritation with a Friend's Comment: Instead of the comment itself, the real issue might be a sensitivity to criticism rooted in past experiences.

Stress about Finances: While money is a common worry, the deeper issue could be a sense of security and self-worth tied to financial status.

Disappointment in a Child’s Performance: This could reflect more on your own expectations and unfulfilled dreams more than the child’s actions.

Upset over a Cancelled Plan: The deeper issue might be a need for control and fear of change, rather than the cancellation itself.

Anger at a News Story: Instead of the story itself, the reaction might be tied to deeper feelings of helplessness and a desire for justice.

Jealousy in a Relationship: This often stems from deeper insecurities and past traumas, rather than the specific actions of the partner.