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Unmasking the True Triggers of Upset. (4 min 15 sec)


    1. I am never upset for the reason I think.

    At first, my ego mind fights back, convinced it knows the cause. But I take a moment to calm myself.
    I delve into the emotions I'm experiencing - pain, distress, anxiety, or depression. Fear, anger, or hatred may also be present. And I sense a common thread among them, something I hadn't considered before. Now, I search my mind for the supposed sources of this turmoil.
    I discovered that I'm not afraid of getting on a public bus for the reasons I assume. Nor am I angry with my son, worried about aging, or upset with my neighbor for their expected motives. The various forms of distress I face all have a name, yet they are more related than I realized.
    Take this scenario: I am not worried, afraid, or furious with Emily for the reasons I believed. I used to attribute each upset to a specific person or situation, unwilling to see the bigger picture. But now, I grapple with the truth that all disturbances, no matter their size, disrupt my inner peace. I'm either upset or at peace.

    2. Differentiating between major and minor upsets only distracts from my true goal: attaining peace of mind.

    Holding onto one upset while releasing another is a futile exercise. I can't afford to keep any form of upset - be it with a stranger or concerning my family matters.
    This artificial distinction leads me nowhere. I've come to see that if I cling to my anger towards my friends and aim to let go of other upsets, I remain in a state of distress. Therefore, I place everything in the same category, noting both the perceived source and the accompanying feelings.

    3. It dawned on me that I am never truly angry with my friend Carmen for the reasons I believe.

    This revelation applies to nearly any situation: personal achievements, health struggles, relationship dynamics, or even missed opportunities. Upset comes in various flavors, but the practice remains the same - acknowledging that I am not upset for the reasons I initially assumed.

    4. 10 different types of upsets to which this practice applies.

    Anger in Traffic: While you may believe traffic is the source of your frustration, the actual cause might be deeper issues like impatience or a sense of not having control in your life.
    Frustration at Work: The annoyance with a colleague might actually stem from your own insecurities and feelings of inadequacy.
    Anxiety about Public Speaking: You may believe you're nervous about the act of speaking itself, but deeper fears about being judged and not being good enough could be the true cause.
    Sadness from a Romantic Rejection: Beyond the rejection, the deeper upset could be linked to a fear of being alone and feelings of unworthiness.
    Irritation with a Friend's Comment: Instead of the comment itself, the real issue might be a sensitivity to criticism rooted in past experiences.
    Stress about Finances: While money is a common worry, the deeper issue could be a sense of security and self-worth tied to financial status.
    Disappointment in a Child’s Performance: This could reflect more on your own expectations and unfulfilled dreams more than the child’s actions.
    Upset over a Cancelled Plan: The deeper issue might be a need for control and fear of change, rather than the cancellation itself.
    Anger at a News Story: Instead of the story itself, the reaction might be tied to deeper feelings of helplessness and a desire for justice.
    Jealousy in a Relationship: This often stems from deeper insecurities and past traumas, rather than the specific actions of the partner.
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