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Why I'm not happy

When I'm not feeling my best I like to journal. It clears my head and makes finding solutions a little easier. I know these should be private, but I wanted to show how easy it is to do.

I started this feeling crap, now that I'm done in smiling and have a plan in place to help solve the things getting me down. If you're feeling less than awesome I highly recommend Journaling (no need to share with anyone else. The purpose is to clear your head).

    1. Friend died

    I miss him. Anoyed with how a rememberence night went. Looked like others just wanted an excuse to party, rather than remember. That requires mind reading through so maybe I just read their actions wrong. I'm sure they cared.

    2. Current job

    I'm over qualified. It's draining. I feel like a robot doing automatic task after task. Again mind reading, but it seems like noones ever happy no matter how hard I work. They always expect more. Seem to be in alcohol all the time, even though I reduced my hours in order to leave alcohol. It's too stressful.

    3. Back in with parents

    I appreciate them having me and I enjoy living here, but I'm a 31 year old man

    I should have my own place. Being back here feels like being a teenager again. Like nothing I did in the past ten years matter.

    4. Life here

    It's the same thing week after week. I use to love that, but I need more excitement in my life.

    The thought of doing this till I die is just depressing. I want more out of life.

    5. Sugar

    I've not ate sweets in a long time, treated myself the other day and suddenly feel a lot worse. Maybe it's the sugar, maybe not, but I'll start by cutting it off and seeing how I feel.

    6. Stagnation

    It feels like no matter how hard I try I'm not moving forward. I guess all I'm doing is setting the framework so I can move even further once I start moving again, but currently it's feeling a lot like doing nothing.

    7. Taking advantage of

    Friends are always looking for money. Never a lot, but even small amounts to lots of people adds up. I never want to be mean over such low amounts, but they add up and suddenly I'm left suffering, because I wanted to help others. This leads to part of me wanting to blame them. It's not their fault, I just need to get better at saying no.

    8. Solutions

    So what can I do about all this?

    1. I can remember good times about my friend and make sure I leave every interaction with people on a happy note. As you never know when it'll be the last time you interact.

    2, 3,4,6. I can continue to look for new jobs doing something I love,teaching. I can live in a new exciting place and explore that country. I can explore the new city on my days off and meet new people. Till I get that job I can be stoic and push through. I could work really hard for a short time and quit. Using that extra free time to really focus on finding the best teaching job possible.

    I need to say no. I don't need to offer an excuse. If it will lead to me suffering I need to say no. Building resentment towards friends that did nothing more than seek help isn't worth it. I don't know what else I can do to help, but that's another problem that I can seek to solve another day.

    I can stop eating rubbish and see how I star to feel.

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