10 Things that NEED to change in my life in the next year

It SUCKS.Public Education is not dying. It's DEAD. I became a preschool teacher because of what James says " If you can't do what you love, do something related to it" or something like that. I wanted kids very badly. I became a teacher. I loved the first 3 years in Korea. I loved the next 3 years in private school. I have not liked Public Education for the past 3 years. I am 2 months in and people.. It's BAD and I am "just" a preschool teacher.

I need to find a new career. One that doesn't involve children. Thank God I didn't have children.

Because of the job.. I am on

1. Dyanavel- It's a stimulant. Keeps my energy levels up

2.Rexulti- an atypical antipsychotic meant for patients with dementia to help with irritation

3.Lamictal- a mood stabilizer to help with well mood.

4.Gabapentin- So I don't cry myself to sleep because I have to go back to my job. It just knocks me out.

5. Levothyroxine- To manage the hypothyroidism that came from the high levels of stress related to my job and probably the building that I work in that is killing me. It's 60 years old and survives off public education funding.

6.Estrogen- When you are stressed perimenopause hits a little harder.

7.Progesterone- Same as above. pretty sure my hormones have tanked.

8.Iron- I take a bunch of iron. I think I have problems processing gluten and it effects my Iron. But Gluten gets me through Tuesday.

9. Vitamin D- because I think the same as the gluten.

10. NAC- I needed to start taking back in 2016 when I started teaching.

I need to stop it all. I am not alone in needing to be medicated as a teacher. Most teachers are medicated.

It's got to get better but I bring home the baggage of my job. It is SO hard to manage a classroom of 16 kids who are addicted to technology. I come home burnt out and all I want to do is just zone out in front of the TV. I don't want to talk. I want to be in bed by 7pm. I can't do anything on Sundays because that's my mentally prepare for Monday day. My boyfriend has been amazing but I need to be better.

I need to do it more often. I keep saying that the 13k steps I get during the day are enough. They aren't. I need to go to the gym and release the stress of my day but my energy is tanked by the time I get off work. When I worked at the private school I would work out at least 30 min after school. I haven't been able to do that for 3 years.

I actually don't eat that bad but I need yummy foods that aren't good for me to get me through the day. I shouldn't be eating gluten because my body doesn't like it but I am doing it anyways. I need to stop.

I have stress dreams. I can't fall asleep until 10pm. I just stay in bed and ruminate. I don't want to take the gabapentin and so I just lay there.

I get home from work and just collapse. I don't cook, I don't clean. I just go into non functioning mode. I want to update my space and make it look nicer. I want to clean my room on a daily basis. I want to cook.

I need to get back to daily lists. Here is my first one: 10 alternatives to teaching.

My therapist recommended I do this. I need to get into the space where my anxiety isn't out of control and I feel more comfortable around people. I need to not be so burnt out by people that I want to be around them.

My "i" button is sticky. I need to invest in a new computer.

I want to save up to travel. I miss traveling. I became a teacher because it meant I could live in another country and have a job. Now that I have that job in the USA it can't afford me to travel. I need to find a job that pays better so I can travel.