Comfort Zone +1: 10 Simple Exercises to Practice Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone Today
Anxiety and I are life-long companions. I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder (a class of anxiety disorder) many years ago.
Over that time, I was forced into countless scenarios in which I had to leave my comfort zone. I was a musician who would have panic attacks right before going on stage. Sometimes I didn't show up to gigs because I was too afraid. I worked in telephone sales even though I was terrified of calling anyone. Each time I picked up the phone I prayed no one would answer. I stood in front of crowds and gave presentations, even though I always felt like I was going to pass out from total fear.
Each experience was terrible and terrifying, yet I survived. And then, after a while, the bit of internal fortitude I gained from those experiences stacked together enough to where I now feel like I can easily handle most situations that come my way regardless of how I feel.
The sense of anxiety never goes away, but the ability to control it and work through it is constantly improving. This tells me that getting comfortable with discomfort is very much a learned skill. We can get better at it.
We can be stronger.
Below are ten things we can do today to practice getting comfortable with that discomfort without overloading our system.
It's an approach I call Comfort Zone +1.
1. Offer a positive comment on your barista's appearance.
If you're like most people, you go to your favorite coffee shop, order your coffee, and leave, without any real dialogue with the barista other than answering whether you want room for cream and if you're paying with cash or credit.
Next time, take a moment to observe the barista's appearance. Everyone goes out into the world wearing something they think makes them look good - a particular shirt, a certain hairstyle, the way they apply their makeup, a necklace, and so on. Make note of something that catches your eye and comment on how good it looks. "That hairstyle looks great on you. Did you just get it done?" Or, "I really love that necklace. It's beautiful."
Of course, be judicious about your comments, and don't be creepy.
The point of the exercise is to practice saying something to a stranger that you typically would not feel comfortable saying, as well as helping the other person feel a little bit better about how they look.
2. Yell "Penis!" in a public place.
If you've seen the movie 500 Days of Summer, you'll remember this classic scene.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character is sitting in a park with Zooey Deschanel's character, and they're playing a game of who can yell "Penis!" louder. The discomfort in his face is something we can all relate to.
Do you dare try this yourself? It's a clear crossing of an invisible social boundary - just the sort of thing that can help you get comfortable with discomfort.
3. Make a phone call you have been putting off, but first, call your mother.
Or a good friend. Or anyone with whom you are already acquainted and comfortable. Sometimes the fear of calling someone can be diminished by "warming up" with a conversation with someone you regularly talk to.
Just as your muscles need to warm up before doing an all-out sprint, your social muscles need to be warmed up to handle (what your mind perceives as) a challenging conversation.
4. Don't be yourself.
Research shows that when we take on another person's persona, we start to absorb that person's characteristics into our own personas. Next time you go into an anxiety-fueled situation, imagine someone you look up to and you know would be strong in that scenario.
For instance, if you have a friend who is great at giving speeches, imagine being him the next time you need to talk in front of a group. Literally envision how he speaks, his mannerisms, and even his appearance, and then take on those characteristics yourself. By acting as someone you admire in an uncomfortable situation, you are effectively wearing a mask to help protect yourself from anxious feelings. Do this with enough practice, and eventually, you can take the mask off.
5. Take a sick day.
Take the day off work and go do something that is totally out of character for you. If you don't usually hike, find a local trail and go for a hike. If you abhor eating junk food or desserts, stop at your local ice cream shop and get a giant cone. If you usually go to the same coffee shop all the time, go to one across town and meet some new people.
The point of this exercise is to get used to doing things that you would not do during your typical weekday routine.
6. Do a different exercise.
Are you a runner? Great, today you're going to hang up your running shoes and go out for a bike ride. If the inverse is true, leave the ride in your garage and head out for a run. Wouldn't be caught dead in a yoga class? Great, go attend a yoga class!
Any exercise you don't typically do can apply here. The point is to break the routine, do something different and unexpected, and observe that the world does not come crashing down as a result.
7. Practice eye gazing.
If you've taken an acting class, there is a chance you've engaged in the eye gazing exercise.
What happens is you are partnered up with someone in the class and you have to stare into each other's eyes for a set amount of time, usually around five minutes.
If you've never done this before, don't be fooled! This is remarkably challenging to do, but well worth it to burst through the discomfort of making eye contact.
If you can't find someone to do this exercise with you, there are some great videos on YouTube with which to practice. It's also good to start here if you're too intimidated to do this will a real, live person.
8. Attend a Toastmasters meetup.
There is a Toastmasters meetup in so many cities these days that it's hard not to find one. If you're not familiar, it's an organization dedicated to helping its members to communicate more effectively, but really it's much more than that. Typically new people can show up for the first meeting and just observe how they go, so the level of anxiety can be relatively low.
9. Go to a car lot and test drive a vehicle that you have no intention of purchasing.
This might seem strange, but ask yourself if it feels "comfortable" or "normal" to do this. Probably not! Yet, car dealerships invite people to test drive their vehicles all the time. Though, of course, they'll want you to stick around afterward to talk about buying what you drove. Simply say, "Thank you, but it's not what I was looking for" and leave.
10. Ask for a raise (even if you recently received one).
Everyone feels a level of discomfort asking for a raise, so testing that invisible social barrier is a great way to break through the comfort zone. Who knows, maybe you'll actually get it!
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