Excuses Why My Wife Won't Have Sex With Me

How many excuses are missing from the list? These are the top 10 that I could quickly jot down.

1. You missed your 12 minute window of opportunity

I've forgotten about this one because it's been so long, but there used to be a window where I had 8 minutes to complete the performance. But, it had to be initiated at some point within a 12 minute window between 6:13am and 6:25. Game off if any earlier... or later.

2. "You just did this"

That's right. I forgot. It just happened... 3 weeks ago. mybad.

3. Sneaking into bed and fake sleeping

Lights out and "snoring" earlier than normal.

4. Sneaking out of bed before I wake up

The most common and masterful move of all.

5. "I just took a shower"

Sorry, but I don't feel like dirtying myself.

6. "I haven't taken a shower"

Sorry, I just took a dump.

7. "My stomach hurts"

or... "god, I feel like shit."

8. "I'm really tired"

The old standby... It's been a long day. I can't wait to get to sleep.

9. In the morning

The most common response... "Let's meet up tomorrow." I guess that's a no.

10. Unspoken exasperation, eye-rolling, heavy exhale...

... followed by an "okay". It always works... for her.