List 10 (or as close as you can) things that make you feel insecure.
For each, write a short note on how you can change your thinking about it to remove the insecurity.
1. I'm 5'8"
I can only imagine the number of partners who rejected me because of this measurement that is obviously completely out of my control. Also, having been a budget manager, I've had a front row seat to who makes money in Corporate America. There is a correlation to height and earnings.
How to change my thinking and remove the insecurity:
1) All it takes is one partner interested in you to be in a relationship.
2) The average height for a man in America is apparently 5'9". Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos are both 5'7".
2. My Career
Up until this point, my career has not been anything close to the desired result. Also, having worked as a budget analyst at a massive company, it's very difficult not to compare yourself to others when it's your job to know what everyone is making.
How to change my thinking and remove the insecurity:
I've worked very hard and sacrificed a lot. However, forces much bigger than I (wage stagnation, globalization, technology, the Pandemic Shutdowns, and layoffs) have been difficult currents to swim against. I've also made several terrible self-inflicted mistakes in my work life that I must never repeat (burning bridges, working too many hours, saying yes to too many things, pursuing work that I'm not terribly interested in).
3. My Portfolio (Or lack thereof)
I was not born into a family with means, which means a tougher road to riches in America. I went the route that everyone told me to go (college) and accumulated a pile of debt, which has made it even harder to build wealth.
How to change your thinking about it to remove the insecurity:
I've got a lot of company. Working people all over the country have had a tough time dealing with wage stagnation, student loans, layoffs and inflation. This is not a problem unique to me.
Think of ways in which I am rich: I'm healthy (despite the severe cold I'm fighting as I type these words), I have free access to the internet, I have a place to stay, enough food to eat, and clothes to keep me warm. I'm not 20 anymore, and I certainly won't be a billionaire, but I still have time to make money.
4. My Racial Background (I'm mixed - my father is English and Irish, my mother is Chinese and German. Because of genetics, I look more Asian than anything else).
It's a terrible time to be Asian in this country. The former President of the United States, purposely or not purposely, put a target on the backs of any Asian Americans during the COVID Pandemic. I've dealt with racism my entire life. In school, in the workplace, on sports teams, in my personal life. People assuming and mocking me for having a small dick, mocking me for being a good student, blaming me for the COVID Pandemic, using slurs like Chink, Gook, etc. It took me many years to fully embrace being Asian.
How to change your thinking about it to remove the insecurity:
Like Ronny Chieng brilliantly stated in a comedy routine: we Asians outnumber every race on the planet.
There are a lot of things to celebrate about being Asian....just because being Asian isn't celebrated here in the United States doesn't mean that this is untrue.
5. My degree
I earned a general business administration degree, which was a major that I pursued because I wasn't sure which field of study I wanted to pursue when I was in school . If I could do it all over again, I would have pursued International Business or Computer Science.
How to change your thinking about it to remove the insecurity:
I was the first person in my family to earn a degree, which is something to be proud of. Having to navigate college without parents who've been through it is a challenge. College degrees are not as valuable/important as they once were.
6. Not owning any property
Not sure if this will ever happen at this point in my life.
How to change your thinking about it to remove the insecurity:
Owning a home involves a lot of debt and stress. A mortgage often acts as a leash theses days.
7. My debt
I've whittled it down to a manageable level, but it's something that I wish I could have avoided. What a racket higher education has become! I've been very vocal about this on LinkedIn. The University that I graduated from now charges $70k a year. Unbelievable! $280,000 to graduate! What a racket!
How to change your thinking about it to remove the insecurity:
$2 trillion in student loan debt is a system wide problem that isn't unique to just me.
8. Failed relationships
When my first serious relationship (six years) failed due to infidelity, it changed me permanently. A partner’s infidelity can even change our brain chemistry.
Trusting others became a chore. It took many years to heal from the betrayal and I'm not sure if I'll ever fully heal from it. It has influenced my subsequent relationships.
How to change your thinking about it to remove the insecurity:
Infidelity is very common in marriages all over the world. Be proud to say that I've never cheated on anyone in any of my serious relationships.
9. My Credit
I had a perfect credit score in 2018. Then I got laid off, and COVID demolished the job market. My credit is in the toilet right now.
How to change your thinking about it to remove the insecurity:
I was able to rebuild my credit to a perfect score once before.....I can do it again.
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