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New jokes

Can I think of ten new jokes today?

    1. Glasgow Celtic

    It's been a great year for Glasgow Celtic. ,9 - 0 against Dundee, 4 - 0 against rangers. And now this

    *I'm not celebrating. Just pointing out that there's bound to be a few nut jobs that see this on the same terms as a football win.

    2. Check mate

    What's that? The Queen can move as much as she likes in any direction? Aye, sure she can.

    * not the best. Probably too mean spirited.

    3. Man/woman

    I read a sign at my local night club. 'Any man/woman may use this bathroom'. Any man/woman! Man /woman! I was disgusted the correct term is trans-woman.

    *this has potential. Might need some work on the wording

    4. Over time

    Ova times much more fun when you work in an anime store.

    *very neish joke, but those who understand what an ova is should like it.

    5. Hashtag Be Kind

    Remember - hashtag Be Kind. Or is that only after you drive folk into sever depression/suicide ?

    * I see too many folk being mean to people only to post bekind and mental health related things after said person has committed suicide.

    6. Kettle bell

    I bought myself a kettle bell. Useless, the only think ringing are my clothes.

    *ringing, Scottish for soaking.

    7. Weeds

    Weed in the toilet. How

    Weed in the garden, strange looks.

    Weed in the toilet, how'd it get there?

    * rubbish. Maybe I can do something with it.

    8. Mourning

    Nation in mourning. Not anymore. It's lunch time.

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