Problems with Thanksgiving
#MayflowerDenier
1. The first boat containing the Pilgrims was called the Speedwell
The Mayflower contained mostly other separatists and soldiers. Myles Standish, for instance, was a mercenary soldier.
2. Turkey is no good
The fatty skin prevents spices from penetrating into the meat. So it makes it hard to cook.
3. Which is why turkey is rarely, if ever, served in a restaurant
When was the last time you ordered a turkey in a nice restaurant. Never.
4. Chicken vs Turkey
50 million lbs of chicken are eaten in the US per year. 7 million pounds of turkey only. And it would be much less if not for Thanksgiving.
5. Be honest: Bacon vs Turkey bacon?
I feel like only vegans eat turkey bacon. Which I know doesn't make sense but there it is.
6. Squanto
Squanto was a Native American who made the mistake of learning English. So he was sent to Europe as a slave to help interpret from Native American languages to English. And then he was sent back with the Pilgrims to teach them. And then was killed by Native Americans for helping the Pilgrims who were killing native Americans.
7. They didn't actually land at Plymouth Rock.
It was too cold and windy so I forget where they settled but it was somewhere else.
8. They weren't escaping oppression of their religion
They had already settled in Holland which didn't care about their religion. But the kids of the Pilgrims were becoming too Dutch-ified so they wanted to avoid that and went to America.
9. It's great to give thanks but why do it one day a year?
10. They regularly beat their children
They considered the natural energy of children for manifestation of original sin so they thought it was good to beat it out them.
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