Rocco's Jokes - Part 14

My neighbour was at the hardware store earlier. He overheard one of the employees saying a racist joke, so he took offence on my behalf. Now I know where my garden ends and his begins.

I was reading a book when I noticed something confusing. There was a quote, but before and after the quote where only 1 floating comma (this thing- ' ). Which really confused me because when people quote in person they use bunny ears (two fingers on each hand) and not single fingers. Why?

A parody song about the covid vaccine

I have a coughing fit earlier today. cough, couch, cough. Now I know, should I pass away I've got a final resting place tailor made just for me.

Just heard the devastating news about Neil Buchannin. He was a children's entertainer in the 90's - early 2000's. Sadly he passed away last night. How'd he die - 'art attack

Even though the data shows children don't suffer much from covid. I believe that all kids should be vaccinated. As long as it's with Johnson and Johnson. That's the only one I could afford shares in.

Feeling stressed. Feel like you're ready to snap? Go to a big event and catch covid. Apply for a grant and you can get paid to relax at home. It's heaven.

I use to think all political parties where boring, but the more I hear about them the more I want to attend one.

Excuse me pastor can I have a word?

Sorry, but I'm not a pastor

I apologies. Those guys. I asked who you where, because I thought you looked stunning and wanted to talk to you and they said 'she's pastor prime'

They say that the greatest gift is life. Not if you've been framed for murder.

I have a baguette. It's in my pants. Are you hungry?

After a week of suffering endlessly with covid I wish I got the vaccine . Mean's I could have caught it at a much better night club.

Some woman refuse to wear makeup, don't worry about their weight and refuse to shave. All to protect themselves from the male gaze.

I would have thought they'd be more protected if they looked less like a man.

Got a new house with my girlfriend. Mate asked if I wanted a cooker. I replied 'I'd love to. But I doubt she'd fit in the oven'

Me and my wife went to visit her parents. I wore my suit and she wore her fancy dress and new sparkly earrings.Her mum commented on how well we where dressed then asked 'What's that in her ear? I replied 'Probably her butt plug'

I use to work in a bank. Manager use to pick on me, call me names and push me around. One day I snapped. I walked in to his office and demanded he leave me alone. That was two years ago and today is the day that I finally paid it off.

My mate said that the kkk are 'All white guys' all white? They're disgusting!

You'd think that athletes would require more energy than goths and gamers, but energy drink sales say otherwise.

Do I believe that masks should be mandatory? Yes. But only for munters.

A lot of people think that Puttin is Russian. I disagree. I think he invaded right on time.

When I treat trans-woman like men, I get called a transphobic bigot.

When I treat cis-woman like men, I get called a feminist.

For the last 30 years whenever I would visit my grandad we'd sit and watch WW2 documentaries together. He'd always repeat the phrase 'Never forget. Never forget. Never forget' and I never have. Which is more than can be said for him. Old git's got dementia. What a hypocrite..

Schrodinger must have gotten away with murder.. Locks someone in a box and leaves them their ti'll they suffocated. Police come down, open the box and see the dead body Schrodinger's like 'He was alive when he went in the box. He was both alive and dead before you got here. You killed him by opening it'