Teacher! - Stand up set
My Tam Jones set just didn't feel right. Even though the Tam Jones story was true, this made up story is far more true to who I am.
After graduating university I thought finding a job would be easy. Certified genuis should lead to any high paying job, but it didn't.it didn't even lead to a minimum wage job.
For that I had to go on a security course where we learned that if you see a big with wires hanging out it that you suspect might be a bomb, don't kick it!
I passed that course and started working security. I hated it. 90% nothing 10% dealing with the worst people on the planet.
After my first shift I had enough, but I kicked about there for another 4 years as like I said earlier degrees don't equal employment and this was all I could get.
Whilst browsing the internet my mum came across an ad. for a TEFL teacher. Teaching English as a foreign language.
I didn't have high hopes myself. English was my worst subject. But surprisingly I passed. Before long I was out in China teaching.
I even won a SINA Star teacher award. Simply put I was one of the top teacher's in China.
3. Last class
Due to the fact I was the best teacher in the school I was tasked with convincing the New kids/parents to enroll in the school.
I had a new kid join my last class. I wasn't planning on leaving, but supposedly I was 'acting like a professional'
New kid came in halfway through class. She was 4, so a similar age to the rest of the class I told the rest of the kids to do their bookwork whilst I took the new kid to the side and picked a name for her.
I wrote out a bunch of names, read them out and when she smiled I assigned her that name. She chose Sally.
So I sit Sally down and get her to repeat after me. 'my name is Sally ' 'sally!' 'good. Mmmyyyyy...''mmyyyyy' 'naaammee' 'naammee'
I'm thinking great,fast learner then wee Jim starts swinging his arm around in the air. 'yes Jim?' 'Teacher' and I'm like 'i am teaching her Jim. don't worry ' I turn back to Sally and continue 'my name...' 'mya name ' 'no Mya. my my my' 'my'
Teacher! Jim Stand up. 'dont worry Jim I'm teaching her' Teacher Teacher! 'I will. now get back to writing ' he then run's up to me.pulls on my tshirt 'tteeaacchheeerrr 'im bloody well trying to teach her Jim. Kinda hard when you won't shut up. now sit down '
He then starts speaking Chinese to the rest of the class '我需要去厕所' and speaking the native language is a big no-no in TEFL so I stood up and looked at him 'no Chinese Jim now sit down ' 'teach...' I just stared 'sit' he wadled back to his seat.
He then starts dancing about and the rest of the class start 'teacher.teacher.teacher'. I'm like 'are you all blind? What the hell do you think I'm doing? I done the exact same with all of you ' 'teacher he needs the toilet ' I just looked at them puzzled 'why would I teach her that? She doesn't even know her own name yet. And surely I need the toilet is more useful to her than he needs the toilet. are you all insane?'
Tttteeeaaaaaccchhhheeerrr !!!! At this point I snap 'Im bloody teaching her! Now shut the hell up the lot of you! ' then I stare them all down.
At that point Jim pisses himself.and starts crying. supposidly that was my fault and as a result, I lost my job.