Ten Inappropriate Valedictorian Speech Subjects
Our son is graduating high school Friday. One of his friends is the Valedictorian - a good kid who would never do this, but I wondered about what the theme of his speech could be. The AI provided this list, which is pretty good:
1. "Why I Cheated My Way to the Top—and You Should Too"
A heartfelt tribute to Google, ChatGPT, and the kid who sat in front of me during every test.
2. "High School: A 4-Year Group Project Where I Did All the Work"
Calling out every lazy classmate by name, alphabetically.
3. "Why This Diploma is Just an Expensive Piece of Paper"
Featuring a live auction of my future student debt.
4. "Most Likely to be Arrested: My Predictions for the Class of 2025"
Now with incriminating photos and fun sound effects.
5. "All the Teachers Who Shouldn’t Be Allowed Near Teenagers"
A slideshow exposé set to the tune of “Another Brick in the Wall.”
6. "How I Became Valedictorian Without Ever Reading a Book"
Sponsored by SparkNotes and caffeine-fueled panic.
7. "The 12 Types of Parents at Every School Event"
Including: The Oversharer, The Overcheerer, and The Principal's Boss.
8. "Things I’ll Miss About High School (Absolutely Nothing)"
An emotional rollercoaster of sarcasm and silent judgment.
9. "The Untold History of Hookups in the Janitor’s Closet"
A steamy, scandalous, completely unnecessary history lesson.
10. "I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends—And I Didn't"
Closing with a mic drop and a solo walk-off to “No New Friends.”
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