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Ten Things I Pretend Make Me Productive

    1. Rewriting my to-do list instead of doing anything on it

    2. Opening my laptop and staring at it like that counts as work

    3. Highlighting random lines in a book so it looks like I’m learning

    4. Answering one email, then rewarding myself with a 20-minute break

    5. Cleaning my desk right before starting a task… and then not starting

    6. Using a fancy planner as if the stationery will fix my life

    7. Organizing digital folders I will never open again

    8. Scheduling a task on my calendar to feel accomplished without doing it

    9. Listening to a productivity podcast while avoiding productivity

    10. Calling something “research” when it’s obviously scrolling

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