Ten Ways To Get Rid Of Snow
We're expecting a small amount, with rain to follow. But what can we do to handle the big drops?
1. Hairdryer
Will take 14 hours and a small nuclear power plant.
2. Declare the yard a “No Snow Zone”
Politely ask the snow to leave. It won’t, but you’ll feel assertive.
3. Release 10,000 space heaters into the neighborhood
Someone's gotta have that quantity...
4. Train squirrels to shovel
Motivate them with sunflower seeds and empty threats. Maybe ask the local chipmunks, deer, foxes, etc. to help out too. Tried the bears last winter, but their phones went to voice mail.
5. Install giant windshield wipers
Put on the house and swipe it clean. Could work with leafs, too.
6. Summon a dragon
Snow melts, insurance skyrockets. Dragon leaves scat on the lawn.
7. Turn your driveway into a Slip ’N Slide
Embrace the chaos.
8. Hire a flamethrower-wielding uncle
The one who shows up at every BBQ anyway.
9. Convince the sun to shine brighter
A strongly worded email would probably do it.
10. Bundle the snow into gift bags
And tell your neighbors it’s “artisanal ice.”
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