The Chapters of My "Comeback" Book
As I've written about many times here, I'm trying to make a comeback after 25 years of not playing competitive chess in tournaments. It's also been. brutal. The world is different. The world has gotten better and I've gotten worse over the past 25 years.
I feel I am better than ever but I have so many problems: dealing with the stamina and psychology of tournaments, memory not as good as today's players, calculation no longer what it was, and on and on. It's been a struggle. Maybe there's light at the end of the tunnel now but it's hard to tell.
I was talking to Robert Greene (48 Laws of Power) on my podcast and he insisted I make a book out of this. So starting to feel out what the chapters will be.
1. Road to Master
How and why I initially got into chess when I was young and eventually achieved the title of National Master in it.
2. Addiction
The times when I've become so addicted I couldn't stop playing. One time I was playing 1 minute chess at work and my girlfriend calls and says, "don't forget we have my friends coming over dinner in 30 minutes." And I said, "just one more game and I'll be home."
At midnight she came to my work and started banging on my office door. I didn't respond because I was in the middle of a match of 1 minute games. I didn't get home until 6am.
I was a mess. And whenever I've been unhappy in life ever since I've gone into addict mode with chess.
3. What chess did for me.
I got into college because of chess (I had poor grades in high school). I got into grad school (poor grades in college). I got my first job (my interviewer was a chess player), I sold a company, and on and on. All because of chess.
4. How to get good!
What I thought.
5. How to get good!
The reality
6. Why I decided to return to it.
There were a lot of reasons but, basically, I was unhappy in life. The article "NYC is Dead Forever," really tore me apart when I saw how many people I thought I was close to turned against me for really no reason at all. It made me realize or made disappointed, how superficial the world really is. How people are mostly mindless slaves begging to be liked by their masters and I was the sacrifice of the week that week/month/year/yesterday.
That and a few other things threw me into non-stop chess but then I realized: if I'm going to play it, I should get better. I should enjoy it. I should use the techniques of "Skip the Line" to get back to my old skills and beyond.
7. My initial studies and experiences coming back.
8. The weird things that began happening to me
Because of the 25 years in between, it was interesting that opportunities that would happen to me in the chess world. From hanging out with Kasparov to playing a match with Magnus's dad to writing for the premier chess magazine or being recognized in chess tournaments. It's definitely different than when I was younger.
9. My 60 Memorable Losses
Then I started playing in tournaments again. I thought it was going to be hard but not THIS HARD.
My first tournament back I had 3 draws and six losses. WHAT THE HECK! I never had six losses in a tournament before. Let alone zero wins,
And it got worse, much worse.
But the way to get better (in chess and in life) is to analyze your losses. So I would always tell myself after each loss this is a treasure of knowledge to get better.
Oh man, it's been so disappointing and frustrating. Perhaps there are moments or glimmers where I see my new strength but it's not consistent. This is has been such tough battle this past year and it's taken time away. from family, work, etc. Is it worth it? I have no clue.
10. Hopefully there will be a final chapter.
We'll see. I hope there is. I hope I come to the other side of this and feel inspired and think to myself, "that was certainly worth it and I'm glad I did it." Put it this way, I'm glad I am doing it (most of the time) but I'm not so sure afterwards I will be glad I did it.
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