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Thoughts (I'm angry)

I usually do well to avoid anger, but today I can feel my levels rising. Hopefully this calms me.

    1. Message

    A 'friend ' sent me a message making me seem like a really nasty person. They list lot's of examples that I could easily debunk. Maybe I'll debunk a few below.

    This is the reason I'm upset. I'm taking her boyfriend to court due to him being aggressive, threats and driving his car at us. She's angry that I won't back down (like she has) and hence the list of reasons why I'm evil.

    2. My attitude

    Yeah I've changed. I'm sick of being nice and getting it flung in my face. I'm sick of getting nowhere with work. I'm sick of all my projects getting nowhere. I'm sick of doing everything I can to help people to still lose friends to suicide/attempted. My lifes going nowhere here. Despite all my skills/knowledge I'm living with my parents, doing a job I hate and can't see any future (I'd be happy with) that involves staying in Scotland.

    90% of the time I hang out with friends it's just to get something off me. It's exhausting.

    So yeah I'm putting myself first and focusing anything that will lead to me living a better life. Everything else (usual actions) come second.

    3. Immaturity

    The above may look like a spoilt toddler from the outside.

    I've done and continue to do plenty to help others. I just don't want to forgive the man who put me through so much trauma. How this affects others isn't my problem. It's on them to deal with that as best they can.

    4. Been there for friends

    I've been there for countless friends throughout all this. I've just not been there for you. I told you that if you got back with him I could no longer be your friend and you made your choice. Even at that I tried, but being friends isn't what you want, seeing things from my perspective isn't what you want all you want is for me to back down so you can both live your fairytale life together. It's a nonsense dream, that even if I backed down would never happen. I don't want to see or hear about the guy as far as im concerned he doesn't exist. I'm happy that way, if you're not that's on you to sort out, not me. I'm not sacrificing my peace of mind for anything.

    5. Heard what I've been saying

    I told people the initial story when it all happened. since them I've tried not to speak about it. When it comes up I reduce it down to highlights. If others fill in the gaps themselves that's hardly my fault?

    How it affects you? I'm not recounting that day as a way to punish anyone. I don't want to talk about it, hence the reductions. The less I focus on that night the better. How about how it affects me? If my recounting makes you upset tell them your view (Updated of course now that you've took back your initial report). let them decide the truth for themselves.

    6. Involvement

    Got involved in something I'd never get involved with? I always stand up when I see men abusing woman in the streets. I witnessed a similar event in China multiple times, each time, despite knowing no Chinese and having no clue who those people where I shouted and made sure he knew he had to stop. I'm not a fighter, but when I see a woman in danger I feel it's duty as a man to defend her.

    I think she means I don't usually bother getting involved with couples arguing, this wasn't that. She knew that, but she's been brainwashed to believe otherwise now.

    7. Money

    Yes I was upset that despite asking multiple times, you both decided that going out to drink and party was a better use of money than to pay me back.

    You also mentioned my TikTok video about loans. Stating that it was disgusting. What's disgusting is that 95% of my pals think they can get away with never paying me back. I feel like it's a slap to my face no respect for me at all. And if you've seen it and know that it's a subtle hint at you, why not pay me back? Disgusting.

    8. Who shot first

    If the cctv shows that I started it all and he's innocent then what does it matter that I'm taking him to court over it? Judge would eat h, oh he's innocent, on your way. Since it hasn't already been thrown out that clearly shoes that the story of me hitting first kiss bull. If im as guilty as you now think I am you have nothing to fear from the court.

    I acted because he was clearly on something, really angry, screaming threats at you and id rather not leave you alone with him in a dark street. Sorry for not releasing it was just the same as all the other couples arguments I ignore. I guess my spicy senses where just acting up that day.

    9. final thoughts

    We're better off not being pals now. How can we be? We don't trust each other and have no respect. Maybe oneway we can be friends again, but for now it's best if we both just go our own way.

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