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Try to write a story in the form of a list

The story of a boy wizard with a few twists.

My life sucks. Here are my main complaints:

    1. My parents died when I was a baby, I don't even remember them.

    2. I am being raised by my aunt and uncle, who hate me. Not to mention my cousin, who is a spoiled brat bully, who also hates me. But I hate them too, so we're even.

    3. They all forgot my birthday. Again.

    4. Apparently there has been mail for me, but they won't give it to me, the f*ckers.

    5. My cousin is going to boarding school next year, and getting all new uniforms, books, etc. I am going to the local public school in his huge, gross hand-me-downs. At least I won't have to see his ugly face everyday anymore.

    6. We are on the run from a giant. I am not even joking.

    7. I have now been kidnapped by the giant.

    8. Ok. My parents apparently were famous or something, and they left me a sh*t ton of money. Maybe that is why the giant kidnapped me? Ransom?

    9. Nope. The giant wanted to give ME my money and let me know I am invited to a secret boarding school. I am now switching from complaints to gratitude...

    Switching to gratitude list in 3...2...1:

    10. I am now at a boarding school for magic.

    11. I met a kid with red hair who has a sh*t ton of red haired siblings. He's my roommate and I'm low-key in love with him.

    12. There's an annoying girl who no one can stand who hangs around us. We don't like her either but she's super smart and helps me with my school work for which I am grateful, and that's why she made this gratitude list.

    13. There's a boy from another house who is even more a bully than my cousin. He is on the list because he's super hot and I can't stop thinking about him, even though I am fairly sure I hate him.

    14. The headmaster just gave me a shimmery cloak which was my dad's. When I wear it I become invisible, so there's that.

    15. I suck at everything here except I can fly on a g*dd*mned broomstick like a f*cking freak. How is this my life?

    16. My hate crush also flies like a g*dd*mned freak so now we are also rivals on the pitch.

    17. Last game I almost died because my broomstick went berserk and tried to buck me off. It made this gratitude list because I held on and did not die.

    18. I think someone might be out to get me, for realz. I'm going back to listing complaints in 3...2...1.

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