I recently made a list of my ideal year as a counterpoint to the ideal days or weeks that promotes short-sighted goals and routines that fill with activities minute to minute. I found it interesting comparing that list with this because they are similar but not quite identical.
1. My #1 goal now is to find something that I want to be #1 at
I quit my dream job few years ago. The life now is much less intense. My overall happiness is probably higher due to less downswings and having either quit or curtailed my go-to vices. I have thought for a couple years that maybe a competitive need forces the life to shape around the pursuit of winning, which of course is not necessarily excellence, rather than the pursuit becoming a part of everyday life.
So I have tried moderation, going easy. I am very comfortable now, but I don't like my life now. I miss the struggle. The trouble is that I think my desire and instincts have become very much truncated. Anger has become easier to contain, and blues are less severe but I don't really want anything intensely anymore. In short, I want to turn the knob on feeling alive. Disappointments are okay every now and then. I just miss intensity and focus.
