What Got You Here Won't Get You There by Marshall Goldsmith

Our need to win, when there is something at stake and when there is not. Marshall gives the example of dinner with friends. You argue about which restaurant to choose. The group's way wins and it wasn't your choice.

The meal and the place are not great.

You have two options, you let it go and try to make the most of the evening. Or you remind everyone, on every occasion, that you were right and we should have listened to you.

How would you have acted?

That's a good idea, but it would be even better if you add that element."

"The problem is, you may have improved the content of my idea by 5 percent, but you've reduced my commitment to executing it by 50 percent because you've taken away my ownership of the idea. My idea is now your idea-and I walk out of your office less enthused about it than when I walked in."

A disguised way of saying, "I'm right, you're wrong".

By reducing their use, you also reduce unnecessary conflicts.

The concept of feedback is as old as time. Marshall found a way to turn it around. Why is this?

When you give feedback:

- You refer to the past.

- The person receiving it tends to take it personally.

- You can't change anything that has already happened

On the other hand, "Feedforward" asks for a suggestion for the future. I want to improve in this area, give me two ideas that I could put into practice in the future.

And this method can be used at home too:

"What can I do to be a better partner at home?

"What can I do to be a better parent? (I tried it, and the answers are interesting)

"What can I do to be a better son?

I like the metaphor used by Marshall's partner "Frank Wagner".

The rearview mirror is tiny, the windshield is huge.